Day 1....ish.

Back at the beginning. The start. The place. I need to set my own pace. My own goals. Write my own story. Stop letting the fear win and take over. I want to be the girl that used to be the life of the party. The girl who wasn't afraid of going out alone. Or driving alone. I want to become a new version of myself. A stronger, healthier, happier version.

Back to where it all started. I may have to do some digging, but the problems WILL be solved.

Sometimes Life is just...

A big oozing wound of ICK! Yea, we had so much going on this weekend. Taking the cat to get fixed, our friends birthday, drinking, panic attacks, drinking, playing board games, arguing. It's all just a jumble of unexpressed emotions. I struggle everyday with my panic disorder. I try multiple things to move past them, through them, around them. Some work. Some don't. This weekend was a test of my ability to function whilst in the midst of one and alone.

EPIC FAIL. Well, maybe not epic, but yeah I fought so hard and just had to push through and try to keep going. They threaten to just stop me in my tracks and I just am tired of them winning all the time.

Today I did 10 mins of cardio and then took the dogs out for a play and walk. I am glad about that. The natural endorphines I think can only help my situation.

There's that. Possibly more later.

Back in the saddle...

Since the last time I posted, we are in a new place, have a new kitten and are doing well. I am still struggling with my panic issue but it's getting better.

I am sitting here wondering why I watch these crazy housewives shows. Seriously? what is wrong with people? why don't they have a show about REAL women that are ACTUAL housewives? I am a lesbian housewife and my life is nothing like what's happening on TV!! LOL

Exciting right? yeah I know...I want to get back into this.

The Bain of my diet existence....

BURGER KING cheesy Tots!! DAMN YOU!!!! You are delicious and far far from nutritious! DAMN YOU and your cheesy goodness!!

Some more of ME

Day 11....

Had 1 cup of Fiber1 cereal with 1 cup of lowfat Lactaid. Usually fills me up pretty good. Did a 2nd 15 minutes last night for a totally of 30 mins walk yesterday. I was pretty happy with myself. I had about 2 cups of left over pasta chicken and veggies for lunch. Some Crispix mix for a snack, and a grilled chicken ceaser salad for dinner. It was all very tasty.

Today I am feeling mostly okeedokee. My shoulder still hurts which causes the muscles all across the back to hurt when I walk. I did 20 mins this morning. I just kept telling myself to do one more, one more.....

I did a small meditative quiet time with my bible. I decided I'm going to read Phillipians....there's one verse in there that makes me feel better.. "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." I am trying to incorporate quiet time with God each morning. It's just as important to my well being as getting moving everyday and eating right. I'm really working hard at this.

Thanks for checkin in...

Peace!

Day 10 of the "new" life...

Everyday I am trying harder, and pushing myself further along. I am constantly working through the trps of my mind. I am diligently pushing through the negativity. I know that with all the love and support that I have, I will continue to do well.

Sometimes it's hard. I know its going to be. I will continue to use the tools that I have learned. I am stronger than I think I am. I am more powerful than I give myself credit for. I just wanted to express that somehow. I'm gonna try and update here what I am having to eat everyday so that I can keep track of how I'm doing.... so far this morning I had a bowl of Fiber 1 cereal. And I've already gone for a 15 minute walk. I am going to do another 15 minutes this afternoon. so wish me luck, if anyone checks in...

Peace ya'll!

struggles....

i am trying so hard to improve my life, my health, my emotional and mental well-being. I have made great strides in the past week. I have had a couple of bumps, but mostly I've been strdiging forward. I know I am in a battle with my will. I am in a battle for my happiness. I am fighting satan at every turn. He is using all of his tricks and roadblocks to get in and get me off track. I am refusing to let him. I am fighting him at all costs. He isn't an easy foe. He has been ahold of me with fear, doubt, self-loathing. I'm fighting him with courage, faith in God's Words and self-love. He hasn't liked that. He wants to keep me trapped in my fear and doubt.

I will no longer allow myself to be bullied by these things. I have been taking HUGE steps towards my life. To gain my life back. To get back to a place of health and well-being. I am proud of the progress I've made, am proud of the progress I am continuing to make. I am thankful to God for His angels that He sends to help me. I am thankful for His promises. I am prayerful that I will remain faithful to His will for my life, and that I will continue to become stronger and stronger every day.

Peace ya'll!
d

Checkin In....

I know I haven't been around in a while..... I have been dealing with some serious stuff with myself. Health, Mental and all that fun stuff. I am finding ways to get through it. it's like something clicked. Like God turned a light on for me and now I am finally moving. I am FINALLY focusing on the joy, love and happiness that I deserve!!!!

I just wanted to let those who still check in, that I am ok and getting better everyday.

I am determined to get back to the things I love and get my life back in order.

Mad love and Peace Ya'll!!

Day One:

For breakfast 7 am. I had 1/4 C of Cottage Cheese and 2 slices of oven roasted turkey. Added 2 aspirins to my meds....my back is really tight. After breakfast I did 10 mins with the stretchy bands. working my arms and back. Trying to increase my activity level. Just a bit everyday. I will do 10 more mins again after lunch and that should be a good 20 mins for today. I know that I will feel better and look better doing this. I need to be consistent and persistent.

Positive Thought for the Day: I am my own unique self- special, creative, and wonderful!

Snack 10am. - 1/4 C trail mix and slice of Provolone cheese

Lunch 1pm. - cheese quesadillas and water.

10 mins with bands.

Dinner 6pm.... hopefully we will be having turkey tacos things with tomatoes..... as long as it's defrosted... lol

Miracles

For the past 2 days I have been in a terrible funk. I thought we lost our cat Midnite..... she's about 19 yrs old. She loves to lay out back on our balcony and sun herself. It's one of her favorite things. For the last few days though, she's taken to laying outside the railing, making me very nervous.

Wednesday she was out there doing her usual thing, just laying there sunning and I thought nothing of it. Until dinner time when I fed the kitties and Midnite didn't come running as usual. I was a little worried at first, so I looked out back and she wasn't there, I looked in their room and she wasn't there. I began to panic. I starting tearing the house apart looking for her. Nothing. For 2 days I looked and looked, we put up fliers, and Lana and I traversed the neighborhood. We searched everywhere she could possibly be, IF she had fallen. We found nothing, not a sign, not a peep.

I was in hysterics, heartbroken and so was my Trinket, Midnite is her baby. This morning, I was about to head back into the kitty room having determined that she went somewhere to die and found a place to hide. I opened the back door for Lana....and there on the first floor (we live on the 4th) lying on a cable box is our kitty Midnite. Sunning herself like it's just another day in the neighborhood.

I have never run so fast in my life. I nearly killed myself. She was scared at first and then realized that it was me and I brought her upstairs to eat and drink.

Our hearts are whole again and our kitty is back safe and sound.

Thank GOD!!!

Peace ya'll!

Stillwater, West Coast

This is hella fun!!! hahahaha

Here's how The Band Meme goes. You are about to have your own band's CD cover. Follow these directions to the letter. Go to......

1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random

The first article title on the page is the name of your band.

2. http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3

The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.

3. http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/

The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4. Use your graphics program of choice to throw them together, and post the result as a comment in this post. Also, pass it along in your own journal because it’s more amusing that way.

My Sister The MORON....

So, there has been family drama going on lately and my sister is at the center of the chaos. Not that this has been a surprise to me, but the fact that she is following through with her outrageous threats is beyond me!

My sister, who's husband nearly killed her last year, broke her jaw, choked her, and almost stabbed her. She didn't press charges, she didn't put his ass in jail. She is at this moment trying to go back to him. In the meantime, she has decided that she would ruin my mother's life and make her more miserable than she already has. She has taken her anger and insanity out on my stepdad. Who has been an amazing father to her. He has put up with all of her bullshit and inconsideration for the last 8 years. She has threatened his livlihood, and my mother's happiness. I want to kick her ass, but she doesn't have the balls to call me.

I'm afraid that she's burned all the bridges leading to the people that care about her. She doesn't care about anything but herself and what she can get out of everyone.

UGH! I'm so frustrated I can't even really think straight. I just hope she comes to her senses before it's too late and he choices become irrevocable!

PLECH!! GGGRRR!!

Back from Vaca Updatey!!

Ok, so we had a couple of hectic months. Loss of our bunny and all the holiday traveling. So, here's a little something from our recent trip to Cleveland. I am quite proud of my accomplishment BTW. For starters, we left about 1:30 on the 21st. There was a beautiful rainbow on our way out of town that we TRIED to get a picture of. Didn't work.... But here are a few taken from our trip up....

These were moslty taken in Virginia gong through the mountains which I was driving. It was freezing and FOGGY and I was TERRIFIED. I could barely see 5 feet in front of me. I got through it tho. I loved seeing the snow on the ground in the fields. I didn't really get to enjoy it while driving. Thank Goodness that Trink was takin pictures for me.

I can't believe how good Lana was. She just was so patient waiting to get out of the car. The Drive wasn't so bad, we stopped in North Carolina overnight. Made it to Cleveland about 3:30 the next day dispite a wrong turn. LOL. I was so happy to see snow on the ground at Jason's place. Lana got out and jumped right over the snow not sure what to make of it. We played for a little so she could stretch her legs. It was fun.

Jason and Michaels place, is gorgeous! I can't believe I didn't get MORE pictures than I did. I'm soo BAD!! I took a bunch of pictures of the kids and did get SOME video though. We had a good time. Trink got a 24 hr bug that was no fun, but after that we were good to go. Had Christmas lunch at Aunt Rose's and Uncle Nick's. HOLY COW Italian families serve ALOT of food. I swear all we did while we were there was eat. GREAT FOOD, but eat eat eat. SHEESH!!

I'm fighting a cold myself right now, so I will post more about our trip later with more pictures. Not that anyone is really checkin....lol....just tazlkin to myself!! hahahah

Peace ya'll! Hope everyone had a SAFE happy Holiday.

R.I.P. Ashton Micheal 2001-2007

Our little man. He was the best bunny ever. He was a Valentine's Day present for my Trinket. He was really hers. He didn't like anyone else. Whenever she was around he would hop and snuggle right up against her chest. We had him for a good long time.

Today he left us. I guess it was his little bunny time. We will miss him. We only hope that we were as good to him as he was to us. He gave us much joy and laughter.

night night sweet little man. Run in those fields of alfalfa. We love you!

SUPER COOL FOR THE TROOPS!

SEND A CARD FOR FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Show the men and women that are fighting for what may be a lost cause, that we support their willingness to stand up for all of us!

Peace ya'll!

I just Spent $1M!!!! WHOOO!!

If I was a millionaire, I'd buy...

Nine'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=187&category_id=15">Nine Bed House in Ireland Price: $616,836	World'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=124&category_id=2">World Cruise for Two Price: $241,996
100k'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=234&category_id=12">100k Savings Account Price: $200,000	Range'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=38&category_id=1">Range Rover 4.2 Supercharged Vogue SE Price: $146,000
Help'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=285&category_id=14">Help Fight Cancer Price: $100,000	VW'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=299&category_id=1">VW Camper Van Price: $68,000
Own'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=173&category_id=5">Own Your own Horse Price: $63,000	Debts'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=205&category_id=7">Debts, credit cards, loans & store cards Price: $60,000
Adopt'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=262&category_id=13">Adopt a Third World Child Price: $60,000	Harley'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=286&category_id=1">Harley Davidson Motorcycle Price: $53,490
Family'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=215&category_id=14">Family Donation Price: $50,000	New'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=104&category_id=8">New Luxury Bathroom Price: $50,000
Landscaped'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=241&category_id=8">Landscaped Gardens Price: $40,000	20k'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=250&category_id=3">20k gadget fest! Price: $40,000
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NSPCC'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=202&category_id=14">NSPCC donation Price: $20,000	PDSA'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=284&category_id=14">PDSA Pets Donation Price: $20,000
Ultimate'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=56&category_id=3">Ultimate Computer Apple Price: $17,468	Famous'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=292&category_id=10">Famous Artwork Price: $16,106
Keep'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=198&category_id=5">Keep Coi Carp Price: $14,190	Piano'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=129&category_id=13">Piano Lessons Price: $12,480
Plasma'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=48&category_id=3">Plasma TV Pioneer PDP 5000EX Price: $12,000	Motorboat'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=59&category_id=4">Motorboat Yamaha Tehri Big Fun Price: $11,298
Digital'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=154&category_id=3">Digital Camera Price: $2,850	Fender'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=300&category_id=10">Fender Stratocaster Price: $1,460
Games'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=69&category_id=3">Games Console Playstation PS3 Price: $850	Games'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=70&category_id=3">Games Console Microsoft X-BOX 360 Price: $660

Starting again...

Ok so me and Trink starting our "routine" again. Pray that we can stick with it. It felt REALLY good to walk and get the blood pumping and not DIE. Yes, that's part of my anxiety. of course I have to work with the string-willed dog and her leash etiquette.

We walked from about 5:30 ish to 6pm ish.....I didn't look at the clock when we left, so tomorrow I will make sure that we do. We did a nice route around the complex. Luckily the weather is cooler now so we aren't dying of heat stroke.

Also, I sort of had a brain thing that if God waznts me, He's gonna take me when HE wants me not when I'm "ready" So, I need to stop being so afraid of life.

Thanks for the encouragement. I'm excited about it.

Peace ya'll!

My humps.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=W91sqAs-_-g

HAHAHA This is soo frikkin funny...you HAVE to watch it.

Celebrity Run-In's

I was thinking about this today for some reason. How many of you have had any celebrity "run-ins", "drive-bys?" I have had a few, some have been random and some have been at geeky conventions. But my favorite has GOT to be from 1998. I went to Halloween Horrors in Orlando with my friend Salty and my sister. We were wandering around the park when Salty had the urge to call Belize and check in. So we ended up in the bathroom at the Monster Cafe. I am sitting outside the bathroom, with my sister when out of the men's room walks.....wait for it.....


ERIC FRIKKIN ROBERTS!!!!

Yes, I said Eric Roberts! Julias big brother.!! I nearly fell out of my chair. I tried to tell my sister who was lookin at me like I was crazy who it was without YELLING, and she just wasn't getting it. I ran and grabbed Salty off the phone and told them both who it was. We proceeded to rush around the restaurant looking for him. I thought we had lost him when we ended up outside. He was standing in line getting a drink.


He saw me looking at him....( I was about 20 yards away.) and like a moron I mouthed to him "Are you who I think you are?"
He was like, "what?" and waved me over.
I said, "Are you who I think you are?"

"Who do you think I am?"

"Eric Roberts?"

"Yea I'm Eric, what's your name?" he held out his hand...and like a total moron...I'm like....Duh duhd uh.....

Then my sister who was 15 at the time is standing beside me and she goes, "Hi. I'm smailin at ya!" ROFLMAO!
He's like, "I can see that."


He actually talked to us for a while and was very gracious. We really didn't want to make a big scene so he took some pictures with us individually. And we left him alone. We were waiting for the parade to go down main street, FREAKED out that we just met ERIC ROBERTS, and talking about it, and my sister goes... "OMG he's coming over, he's coming over...and here he is... HI!"

Sure enough there he was with his friends. "What are you guys doing? What rides have you been on?"


TOTALLY DUMBFOUNDED. Just starstruck. He chatted with us for a while and then headed off to ride King Kong. We were laughing hysterically. Frankly, I don't think he realized how old my sister was. He was givin her the eye like crazy. I almost had to punch him. hahah . He was very nice, and very good looking. Here's the picture....

Share your stories I'd love to hear them!

Peace ya'll!