****** MORNING EXCITMENT *****

So, I tried the elevator of death this morning. The thought of trudging Lana up and down 4 flights of stairs so early in the morning makes me shiver. My girlfriend thoughtful called me from the car this morning to let me know that it was broken yet again. Did I heed her call? Did I listen to the loving thoughtfulness that she gave to me? No.... not at all.... me being the bright minded, brilliant savant that I am.... push the button... yes, the button of death. What follows is a re-enactment of what happened.....

Upon arriving at said death trap Lana knowingly pulls me toward the stairs. Nay I say, let us push the button. Having pushed the button and having no response from the "deathtrap", I descend the stairs much to Lana's joy. BUT! we are not done, we stop on each floor on the way down to push 'buttons'. 3rd floor....nothing..... 2nd floor....AHHHHH success!!! The door opens and I am happy.... (i do not want to climb the stairs back up.)

Knowing I shouldn't....Lana looking at me with those big brown eyes, pleading with me....{don't do it mommy}.... I ignore every voice shouting in my head....we step into the "box". I push another button and watch the doors close......
I am happy that I have figured out how to beat the demon....and we begin to ascend....{{{SKREECH}}} terror....as the box grinds to a halt. Between floors, ghetto purgatory. I ring the alarm, fruitlessly. I kow that no one will come to my rescue. Lana looks at me as if to say, 'I TRIED to tell you'.

Suddenly, I am superwoman, I am going to shove my dog through the emergency exit.........if it will open.....and she will become Lassie and run for help. Yes! This is the plan!

No, that didn't work.....she weighs about 55lbs....AND she doesn't speak English! DAMMIT!!!

I feel my chest constricting, my head hurts, what am I going to do. I push the alarm button again....I know it's pointless. In my fear, I jump up and down.... this is stupid....do I want to die? I've got to breathe, {WHAT WOULD SYDNEY DO?} I push on the door, I pull on the door, I will pry it open with my super charged adrenaline..... nothing....not a budge....

So, I push to further encase myself in said trap of death. the thing begins to move..... jerkily.....and stops....again...... I will not panic..... Katrina will save me..... I know she will come for me...... Lana looks at me..... {{mommy....I've got to peee}}} This is the whole reason for our descent into stupidity. OH CRAP!!! My mind races..... I'm gonna be stuck in a hot, ickily-stenched elevator, with a full bladdered dog. Again, I feel my heart pounding and am more determined than ever to get out of this......

We shove the door closed again, and move, what I can only guess is a few more feet up..... the door opens and I leap out onto solid ground..... Lana follows less dramatically. Back on the 3rd floor...we traipse back down so my puppy can relieve herself.

On shakey legs we wobble to the area. She does her business, and I can only think..... CRAP! I DON'T WANT TO WALK BACK UP THE STAIRS!!!!

My new found freedom convinces me to take my tired, overly adrenaled ass up the stairs....Lana does not complain. She pulls me willingly up the stairs.... but I can not resist, my death wish not withstanding. On the third floor.....the button it calls to me...... I push it!......the doors open magically as if it knows that I am powerless against it. I do not enter....I push a button and step out. Listening as it groans and then stops yet again..... vindicated by my brilliance..... we trudge up the remaining flight.

Lana is happy....and I am feeling sooooo very.....stupid..... why do I never listen to the thoughtful advice of my lover?

Safe again....

PEACE!!!