Day 1....ish.

Back at the beginning. The start. The place. I need to set my own pace. My own goals. Write my own story. Stop letting the fear win and take over. I want to be the girl that used to be the life of the party. The girl who wasn't afraid of going out alone. Or driving alone. I want to become a new version of myself. A stronger, healthier, happier version.

Back to where it all started. I may have to do some digging, but the problems WILL be solved.

Sometimes Life is just...

A big oozing wound of ICK! Yea, we had so much going on this weekend. Taking the cat to get fixed, our friends birthday, drinking, panic attacks, drinking, playing board games, arguing. It's all just a jumble of unexpressed emotions. I struggle everyday with my panic disorder. I try multiple things to move past them, through them, around them. Some work. Some don't. This weekend was a test of my ability to function whilst in the midst of one and alone.

EPIC FAIL. Well, maybe not epic, but yeah I fought so hard and just had to push through and try to keep going. They threaten to just stop me in my tracks and I just am tired of them winning all the time.

Today I did 10 mins of cardio and then took the dogs out for a play and walk. I am glad about that. The natural endorphines I think can only help my situation.

There's that. Possibly more later.

Back in the saddle...

Since the last time I posted, we are in a new place, have a new kitten and are doing well. I am still struggling with my panic issue but it's getting better.

I am sitting here wondering why I watch these crazy housewives shows. Seriously? what is wrong with people? why don't they have a show about REAL women that are ACTUAL housewives? I am a lesbian housewife and my life is nothing like what's happening on TV!! LOL

Exciting right? yeah I know...I want to get back into this.

The Bain of my diet existence....

BURGER KING cheesy Tots!! DAMN YOU!!!! You are delicious and far far from nutritious! DAMN YOU and your cheesy goodness!!

Some more of ME

Day 11....

Had 1 cup of Fiber1 cereal with 1 cup of lowfat Lactaid. Usually fills me up pretty good. Did a 2nd 15 minutes last night for a totally of 30 mins walk yesterday. I was pretty happy with myself. I had about 2 cups of left over pasta chicken and veggies for lunch. Some Crispix mix for a snack, and a grilled chicken ceaser salad for dinner. It was all very tasty.

Today I am feeling mostly okeedokee. My shoulder still hurts which causes the muscles all across the back to hurt when I walk. I did 20 mins this morning. I just kept telling myself to do one more, one more.....

I did a small meditative quiet time with my bible. I decided I'm going to read Phillipians....there's one verse in there that makes me feel better.. "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." I am trying to incorporate quiet time with God each morning. It's just as important to my well being as getting moving everyday and eating right. I'm really working hard at this.

Thanks for checkin in...

Peace!

Day 10 of the "new" life...

Everyday I am trying harder, and pushing myself further along. I am constantly working through the trps of my mind. I am diligently pushing through the negativity. I know that with all the love and support that I have, I will continue to do well.

Sometimes it's hard. I know its going to be. I will continue to use the tools that I have learned. I am stronger than I think I am. I am more powerful than I give myself credit for. I just wanted to express that somehow. I'm gonna try and update here what I am having to eat everyday so that I can keep track of how I'm doing.... so far this morning I had a bowl of Fiber 1 cereal. And I've already gone for a 15 minute walk. I am going to do another 15 minutes this afternoon. so wish me luck, if anyone checks in...

Peace ya'll!

struggles....

i am trying so hard to improve my life, my health, my emotional and mental well-being. I have made great strides in the past week. I have had a couple of bumps, but mostly I've been strdiging forward. I know I am in a battle with my will. I am in a battle for my happiness. I am fighting satan at every turn. He is using all of his tricks and roadblocks to get in and get me off track. I am refusing to let him. I am fighting him at all costs. He isn't an easy foe. He has been ahold of me with fear, doubt, self-loathing. I'm fighting him with courage, faith in God's Words and self-love. He hasn't liked that. He wants to keep me trapped in my fear and doubt.

I will no longer allow myself to be bullied by these things. I have been taking HUGE steps towards my life. To gain my life back. To get back to a place of health and well-being. I am proud of the progress I've made, am proud of the progress I am continuing to make. I am thankful to God for His angels that He sends to help me. I am thankful for His promises. I am prayerful that I will remain faithful to His will for my life, and that I will continue to become stronger and stronger every day.

Peace ya'll!
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