Panic Shmanic!

Day 1....ish.

2011-05-03T12:07:00.000-04:00

Back at the beginning. The start. The place. I need to set my own pace. My own goals. Write my own story. Stop letting the fear win and take over. I want to be the girl that used to be the life of the party. The girl who wasn't afraid of going out alone. Or driving alone. I want to become a new version of myself. A stronger, healthier, happier version.

Back to where it all started. I may have to do some digging, but the problems WILL be solved.

Sometimes Life is just...

2011-02-28T09:19:00.003-05:00

A big oozing wound of ICK! Yea, we had so much going on this weekend. Taking the cat to get fixed, our friends birthday, drinking, panic attacks, drinking, playing board games, arguing. It's all just a jumble of unexpressed emotions. I struggle everyday with my panic disorder. I try multiple things to move past them, through them, around them. Some work. Some don't. This weekend was a test of my ability to function whilst in the midst of one and alone.

EPIC FAIL. Well, maybe not epic, but yeah I fought so hard and just had to push through and try to keep going. They threaten to just stop me in my tracks and I just am tired of them winning all the time.

Today I did 10 mins of cardio and then took the dogs out for a play and walk. I am glad about that. The natural endorphines I think can only help my situation.

There's that. Possibly more later.

Back in the saddle...

2010-06-14T12:52:00.002-04:00

Since the last time I posted, we are in a new place, have a new kitten and are doing well. I am still struggling with my panic issue but it's getting better.

I am sitting here wondering why I watch these crazy housewives shows. Seriously? what is wrong with people? why don't they have a show about REAL women that are ACTUAL housewives? I am a lesbian housewife and my life is nothing like what's happening on TV!! LOL

Exciting right? yeah I know...I want to get back into this.

The Bain of my diet existence....

2008-11-24T07:44:00.002-05:00

BURGER KING cheesy Tots!! DAMN YOU!!!! You are delicious and far far from nutritious! DAMN YOU and your cheesy goodness!!

Some more of ME

2008-03-14T08:44:00.001-04:00

Day 11....

2008-03-14T08:39:00.002-04:00

Had 1 cup of Fiber1 cereal with 1 cup of lowfat Lactaid. Usually fills me up pretty good. Did a 2nd 15 minutes last night for a totally of 30 mins walk yesterday. I was pretty happy with myself. I had about 2 cups of left over pasta chicken and veggies for lunch. Some Crispix mix for a snack, and a grilled chicken ceaser salad for dinner. It was all very tasty.

Today I am feeling mostly okeedokee. My shoulder still hurts which causes the muscles all across the back to hurt when I walk. I did 20 mins this morning. I just kept telling myself to do one more, one more.....

I did a small meditative quiet time with my bible. I decided I'm going to read Phillipians....there's one verse in there that makes me feel better.. "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." I am trying to incorporate quiet time with God each morning. It's just as important to my well being as getting moving everyday and eating right. I'm really working hard at this.

Thanks for checkin in...

Peace!

Day 10 of the "new" life...

2008-03-13T09:00:00.002-04:00

Everyday I am trying harder, and pushing myself further along. I am constantly working through the trps of my mind. I am diligently pushing through the negativity. I know that with all the love and support that I have, I will continue to do well.

Sometimes it's hard. I know its going to be. I will continue to use the tools that I have learned. I am stronger than I think I am. I am more powerful than I give myself credit for. I just wanted to express that somehow. I'm gonna try and update here what I am having to eat everyday so that I can keep track of how I'm doing.... so far this morning I had a bowl of Fiber 1 cereal. And I've already gone for a 15 minute walk. I am going to do another 15 minutes this afternoon. so wish me luck, if anyone checks in...

Peace ya'll!

struggles....

2008-03-12T09:02:00.003-04:00

i am trying so hard to improve my life, my health, my emotional and mental well-being. I have made great strides in the past week. I have had a couple of bumps, but mostly I've been strdiging forward. I know I am in a battle with my will. I am in a battle for my happiness. I am fighting satan at every turn. He is using all of his tricks and roadblocks to get in and get me off track. I am refusing to let him. I am fighting him at all costs. He isn't an easy foe. He has been ahold of me with fear, doubt, self-loathing. I'm fighting him with courage, faith in God's Words and self-love. He hasn't liked that. He wants to keep me trapped in my fear and doubt.

I will no longer allow myself to be bullied by these things. I have been taking HUGE steps towards my life. To gain my life back. To get back to a place of health and well-being. I am proud of the progress I've made, am proud of the progress I am continuing to make. I am thankful to God for His angels that He sends to help me. I am thankful for His promises. I am prayerful that I will remain faithful to His will for my life, and that I will continue to become stronger and stronger every day.

Peace ya'll!
d

Checkin In....

2008-03-06T09:59:00.002-05:00

I know I haven't been around in a while..... I have been dealing with some serious stuff with myself. Health, Mental and all that fun stuff. I am finding ways to get through it. it's like something clicked. Like God turned a light on for me and now I am finally moving. I am FINALLY focusing on the joy, love and happiness that I deserve!!!!

I just wanted to let those who still check in, that I am ok and getting better everyday.

I am determined to get back to the things I love and get my life back in order.

Mad love and Peace Ya'll!!

Day One:

2008-01-29T06:52:00.000-05:00

For breakfast 7 am. I had 1/4 C of Cottage Cheese and 2 slices of oven roasted turkey. Added 2 aspirins to my meds....my back is really tight. After breakfast I did 10 mins with the stretchy bands. working my arms and back. Trying to increase my activity level. Just a bit everyday. I will do 10 more mins again after lunch and that should be a good 20 mins for today. I know that I will feel better and look better doing this. I need to be consistent and persistent.

Positive Thought for the Day: I am my own unique self- special, creative, and wonderful!

Snack 10am. - 1/4 C trail mix and slice of Provolone cheese

Lunch 1pm. - cheese quesadillas and water.

10 mins with bands.

Dinner 6pm.... hopefully we will be having turkey tacos things with tomatoes..... as long as it's defrosted... lol

Miracles

2008-01-18T08:27:00.000-05:00

For the past 2 days I have been in a terrible funk. I thought we lost our cat Midnite..... she's about 19 yrs old. She loves to lay out back on our balcony and sun herself. It's one of her favorite things. For the last few days though, she's taken to laying outside the railing, making me very nervous.

Wednesday she was out there doing her usual thing, just laying there sunning and I thought nothing of it. Until dinner time when I fed the kitties and Midnite didn't come running as usual. I was a little worried at first, so I looked out back and she wasn't there, I looked in their room and she wasn't there. I began to panic. I starting tearing the house apart looking for her. Nothing. For 2 days I looked and looked, we put up fliers, and Lana and I traversed the neighborhood. We searched everywhere she could possibly be, IF she had fallen. We found nothing, not a sign, not a peep.

I was in hysterics, heartbroken and so was my Trinket, Midnite is her baby. This morning, I was about to head back into the kitty room having determined that she went somewhere to die and found a place to hide. I opened the back door for Lana....and there on the first floor (we live on the 4th) lying on a cable box is our kitty Midnite. Sunning herself like it's just another day in the neighborhood.

I have never run so fast in my life. I nearly killed myself. She was scared at first and then realized that it was me and I brought her upstairs to eat and drink.

Our hearts are whole again and our kitty is back safe and sound.

Thank GOD!!!

Peace ya'll!

Stillwater, West Coast

2008-01-13T08:03:00.001-05:00

This is hella fun!!! hahahaha

Here's how The Band Meme goes. You are about to have your own band's CD cover. Follow these directions to the letter. Go to......

1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random

The first article title on the page is the name of your band.

2. http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3

The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.

3. http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/

The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4. Use your graphics program of choice to throw them together, and post the result as a comment in this post. Also, pass it along in your own journal because it’s more amusing that way.

My Sister The MORON....

2008-01-10T09:55:00.000-05:00

So, there has been family drama going on lately and my sister is at the center of the chaos. Not that this has been a surprise to me, but the fact that she is following through with her outrageous threats is beyond me!

My sister, who's husband nearly killed her last year, broke her jaw, choked her, and almost stabbed her. She didn't press charges, she didn't put his ass in jail. She is at this moment trying to go back to him. In the meantime, she has decided that she would ruin my mother's life and make her more miserable than she already has. She has taken her anger and insanity out on my stepdad. Who has been an amazing father to her. He has put up with all of her bullshit and inconsideration for the last 8 years. She has threatened his livlihood, and my mother's happiness. I want to kick her ass, but she doesn't have the balls to call me.

I'm afraid that she's burned all the bridges leading to the people that care about her. She doesn't care about anything but herself and what she can get out of everyone.

UGH! I'm so frustrated I can't even really think straight. I just hope she comes to her senses before it's too late and he choices become irrevocable!

PLECH!! GGGRRR!!

Back from Vaca Updatey!!

2008-01-03T10:29:00.001-05:00

Ok, so we had a couple of hectic months. Loss of our bunny and all the holiday traveling. So, here's a little something from our recent trip to Cleveland. I am quite proud of my accomplishment BTW. For starters, we left about 1:30 on the 21st. There was a beautiful rainbow on our way out of town that we TRIED to get a picture of. Didn't work.... But here are a few taken from our trip up....

These were moslty taken in Virginia gong through the mountains which I was driving. It was freezing and FOGGY and I was TERRIFIED. I could barely see 5 feet in front of me. I got through it tho. I loved seeing the snow on the ground in the fields. I didn't really get to enjoy it while driving. Thank Goodness that Trink was takin pictures for me.

I can't believe how good Lana was. She just was so patient waiting to get out of the car. The Drive wasn't so bad, we stopped in North Carolina overnight. Made it to Cleveland about 3:30 the next day dispite a wrong turn. LOL. I was so happy to see snow on the ground at Jason's place. Lana got out and jumped right over the snow not sure what to make of it. We played for a little so she could stretch her legs. It was fun.

Jason and Michaels place, is gorgeous! I can't believe I didn't get MORE pictures than I did. I'm soo BAD!! I took a bunch of pictures of the kids and did get SOME video though. We had a good time. Trink got a 24 hr bug that was no fun, but after that we were good to go. Had Christmas lunch at Aunt Rose's and Uncle Nick's. HOLY COW Italian families serve ALOT of food. I swear all we did while we were there was eat. GREAT FOOD, but eat eat eat. SHEESH!!

I'm fighting a cold myself right now, so I will post more about our trip later with more pictures. Not that anyone is really checkin....lol....just tazlkin to myself!! hahahah

Peace ya'll! Hope everyone had a SAFE happy Holiday.

R.I.P. Ashton Micheal 2001-2007

2007-12-14T21:54:00.000-05:00

Our little man. He was the best bunny ever. He was a Valentine's Day present for my Trinket. He was really hers. He didn't like anyone else. Whenever she was around he would hop and snuggle right up against her chest. We had him for a good long time.

Today he left us. I guess it was his little bunny time. We will miss him. We only hope that we were as good to him as he was to us. He gave us much joy and laughter.

night night sweet little man. Run in those fields of alfalfa. We love you!

SUPER COOL FOR THE TROOPS!

2007-12-01T23:00:00.000-05:00

SEND A CARD FOR FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Show the men and women that are fighting for what may be a lost cause, that we support their willingness to stand up for all of us!

Peace ya'll!

I just Spent $1M!!!! WHOOO!!

2007-11-26T10:04:00.000-05:00

If I was a millionaire, I'd buy...

Nine'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=187&category_id=15">Nine Bed House in Ireland Price: $616,836	World'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=124&category_id=2">World Cruise for Two Price: $241,996
100k'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=234&category_id=12">100k Savings Account Price: $200,000	Range'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=38&category_id=1">Range Rover 4.2 Supercharged Vogue SE Price: $146,000
Help'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=285&category_id=14">Help Fight Cancer Price: $100,000	VW'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=299&category_id=1">VW Camper Van Price: $68,000
Own'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=173&category_id=5">Own Your own Horse Price: $63,000	Debts'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=205&category_id=7">Debts, credit cards, loans & store cards Price: $60,000
Adopt'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=262&category_id=13">Adopt a Third World Child Price: $60,000	Harley'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=286&category_id=1">Harley Davidson Motorcycle Price: $53,490
Family'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=215&category_id=14">Family Donation Price: $50,000	New'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=104&category_id=8">New Luxury Bathroom Price: $50,000
Landscaped'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=241&category_id=8">Landscaped Gardens Price: $40,000	20k'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=250&category_id=3">20k gadget fest! Price: $40,000
Donate'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=232&category_id=14">Donate Towards Clean Water in Africa Price: $40,000	Las'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=237&category_id=2">Las Vegas Casino Rampage Price: $34,000
NSPCC'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=202&category_id=14">NSPCC donation Price: $20,000	PDSA'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=284&category_id=14">PDSA Pets Donation Price: $20,000
Ultimate'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=56&category_id=3">Ultimate Computer Apple Price: $17,468	Famous'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=292&category_id=10">Famous Artwork Price: $16,106
Keep'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=198&category_id=5">Keep Coi Carp Price: $14,190	Piano'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=129&category_id=13">Piano Lessons Price: $12,480
Plasma'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=48&category_id=3">Plasma TV Pioneer PDP 5000EX Price: $12,000	Motorboat'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=59&category_id=4">Motorboat Yamaha Tehri Big Fun Price: $11,298
Digital'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=154&category_id=3">Digital Camera Price: $2,850	Fender'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=300&category_id=10">Fender Stratocaster Price: $1,460
Games'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=69&category_id=3">Games Console Playstation PS3 Price: $850	Games'>http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=70&category_id=3">Games Console Microsoft X-BOX 360 Price: $660

Starting again...

2007-11-05T18:18:00.001-05:00

Ok so me and Trink starting our "routine" again. Pray that we can stick with it. It felt REALLY good to walk and get the blood pumping and not DIE. Yes, that's part of my anxiety. of course I have to work with the string-willed dog and her leash etiquette.

We walked from about 5:30 ish to 6pm ish.....I didn't look at the clock when we left, so tomorrow I will make sure that we do. We did a nice route around the complex. Luckily the weather is cooler now so we aren't dying of heat stroke.

Also, I sort of had a brain thing that if God waznts me, He's gonna take me when HE wants me not when I'm "ready" So, I need to stop being so afraid of life.

Thanks for the encouragement. I'm excited about it.

Peace ya'll!

My humps.

2007-10-05T12:16:00.000-04:00

http://youtube.com/watch?v=W91sqAs-_-g

HAHAHA This is soo frikkin funny...you HAVE to watch it.

Celebrity Run-In's

2007-10-04T14:36:00.001-04:00

I was thinking about this today for some reason. How many of you have had any celebrity "run-ins", "drive-bys?" I have had a few, some have been random and some have been at geeky conventions. But my favorite has GOT to be from 1998. I went to Halloween Horrors in Orlando with my friend Salty and my sister. We were wandering around the park when Salty had the urge to call Belize and check in. So we ended up in the bathroom at the Monster Cafe. I am sitting outside the bathroom, with my sister when out of the men's room walks.....wait for it.....

ERIC FRIKKIN ROBERTS!!!!

Yes, I said Eric Roberts! Julias big brother.!! I nearly fell out of my chair. I tried to tell my sister who was lookin at me like I was crazy who it was without YELLING, and she just wasn't getting it. I ran and grabbed Salty off the phone and told them both who it was. We proceeded to rush around the restaurant looking for him. I thought we had lost him when we ended up outside. He was standing in line getting a drink.

He saw me looking at him....( I was about 20 yards away.) and like a moron I mouthed to him "Are you who I think you are?"
He was like, "what?" and waved me over.
I said, "Are you who I think you are?"

"Who do you think I am?"

"Eric Roberts?"

"Yea I'm Eric, what's your name?" he held out his hand...and like a total moron...I'm like....Duh duhd uh.....

Then my sister who was 15 at the time is standing beside me and she goes, "Hi. I'm smailin at ya!" ROFLMAO!
He's like, "I can see that."

He actually talked to us for a while and was very gracious. We really didn't want to make a big scene so he took some pictures with us individually. And we left him alone. We were waiting for the parade to go down main street, FREAKED out that we just met ERIC ROBERTS, and talking about it, and my sister goes... "OMG he's coming over, he's coming over...and here he is... HI!"

Sure enough there he was with his friends. "What are you guys doing? What rides have you been on?"

TOTALLY DUMBFOUNDED. Just starstruck. He chatted with us for a while and then headed off to ride King Kong. We were laughing hysterically. Frankly, I don't think he realized how old my sister was. He was givin her the eye like crazy. I almost had to punch him. hahah . He was very nice, and very good looking. Here's the picture....

Share your stories I'd love to hear them!

Peace ya'll!

WE GOT SPANKED!!!!!

2007-09-27T10:16:00.000-04:00

Well, Our Girls thanks to some bad "calls" by the officials, and bad "decisions" by our coach, we got tromped! It seems that the late, behind-the-scenes (drinkin) natch, brilliance! Coach Ryan thought that since we had played alright the last few games, and finally started to really get into a rhythm as a team, he would sub out Our goalie, Hope Solo for hero Briana Scurry. Mind you, Briana is an AMAZING goalie, but she hasn't played a full game since...when? Oh that's right JUNE!!!

This decision I believe threw the team into an emotional spiral. It also put Briana, in a very difficult position. Expected to "save the day" with her rusty, albeit formidable skills. It was just too much. The bumbling officials, The brilliant Brazilian team, and the mistakes and fouls by our team. It was soon too far to catch up. We played our hearts out, Abby Wambach still ran her ass all over the field determined as ever. Kristine Lilly, the heart and soul of the team tried to make some plays, tried to keep her team spirits up. God bless her heart literally, she is the heart of this team. Sad that this will be her last World Cup. I hope she sticks around for the Olympics.

Sunday morning we play Norway for third place. Think Hope might be playing again.

GO USA!! I love our girls!

Butt crack of dawn swimmin

2007-09-24T06:32:00.001-04:00

Ok, so me and the Missus decided it would be a good idea to get up at 5a.m. and head to the swimmin hole. Since my doctor says that because of my knee it would be better to have very little impact on it. So we head on down in the dark of the ghetto. I'm still kind of amazed that we did it. It's been raining like crazy here, so we were a little worried about the lightening and such. We lucked out. We hop in the pool It's surprisingly not freezing. We start doin some aerobic stuff giggling because neither of us want to go into the deep end. It's dark and scary, there could be.... scary things down there.... so we stayed in the midway point and swam back and forth for about 20 mins which is AWESOME for two fat girls!! Go us!! We rock!!

U.S. Women's Team Advances!!!!

2007-09-22T10:12:00.000-04:00

The Girls kicked Booty.

We came out in the 2nd half like we had something to prove. Abby Wambach took a header into the goal for the first point of the game, and it was all down hill for England from there.

Stephanie Lopez took a cleat to the head it should've been a red card, but no call. She went to the sidelines and got a couple staples and was right back in it. Can you say, badass??

Shannon Boxx came in from mid-field and smacked one right in. It was awesome.

The third goal was scored by the Capt. Kristine Lilly, who so far hasn't had a goal in this tournament. England's goalie misread a bounce, and Lilly just kept with it and "walked" it right in for a goal. It was a GREAT game and if you aren't watching, what are you waiting for???

They will be playing in the semi-finals against either Brazil or Australia, to be decided tomorrow morning.

Today the girls pulled off a 3-0 victory over England. Thursday we play the winner of the BR - Aus. Match up!

GO GIRLS!!!!! Support our women's teams!!! WOOTY!!! It's soo awesome!!!

Reasons to watch the USA Women's Nat'l Team.

2007-09-18T23:36:00.000-04:00

Hope "HOLY COW" Solo

Abby "Who needs stitches I'm a badass" Wambach

Natasha "Aloha" Kai

THE WHOLE DAMN TEAM!

OMG Just for Laughs

2007-09-17T12:24:00.001-04:00

Something to think about.....

2007-09-17T10:34:00.000-04:00

Quite a message. Something serious for a change.

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.

My confession:

I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a church, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushedaround, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this happen?" (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response.
She said, "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives.
And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?"

In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.
Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.

Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in. My Best Regards.

Honestly and respectfully,

Ben Stein

A Day of Loss ends in Loss

2007-09-14T01:19:00.000-04:00

THEY GOT HIM.

One more bad guy off the streets.

My prayers all with all the families involved in this terrible day.

Peace

FUCKIN BASTARD!!!

2007-09-13T14:41:00.000-04:00

FIND THE FUCKER~~~!!!!

This kind of crap truly pisses me off! I hope they find this fucker and beat the crap out of him and put a bullet in him. My brother is a police officer and I worry about him everyday, out on the streets trying to protect people. And assholes like this, just have a disregard for life and shoot 4 police officers without remorse.

I'm so angry, I really hope they find this guy and kill him.

Forgive me God for feeling this way, but fuckers like him need consequences.

Sometimes Shit is just WRONG!

2007-09-07T14:53:00.001-04:00

Thanks to Beckyloo for the info.

I just learned about a case of segregation-era oppression happening today in Jena, Louisiana. I signed onto ColorOfChange.org's campaign for justice in Jena, and wanted to invite you to do the same.

http://www.colorofchange.org/jena/?id=1534-321116

Last fall in Jena, the day after two Black high school students sat beneath the "white tree" on their campus, nooses were hung from the tree. When the superintendent dismissed the nooses as a "prank," more Black students sat under the tree in protest. The District Attorney then came to the school accompanied by the town's police and demanded that the students end their protest, telling them, "I can be your best friend or your worst enemy... I can take away your lives with a stroke of my pen."

A series of white-on-black incidents of violence followed, and the DA did nothing. But when a white student was beaten up in a schoolyard fight, the DA responded by charging six black students with attempted murder and conspiracy to commit murder.

It's a story that reads like one from the Jim Crow era, when judges, lawyers and all-white juries used the justice system to keep blacks in "their place." But it's happening today. The families of these young men are fighting back, but the story has gotten minimal press. Together, we can make sure their story is told and that the Governor of Louisiana intervenes and provides justice for the Jena 6. It starts now. Please join me:

http://www.colorofchange.org/jena/?id=1534-321116

The noose-hanging incident and the DA's visit to the school set the stage for everything that followed. Racial tension escalated over the next couple of months, and on November 30, the main academic building of Jena High School was burned down in an unsolved fire. Later the same weekend, a black student was beaten up by white students at a party. The next day, black students at a convenience store were threatened by a young white man with a shotgun. They wrestled the gun from him and ran away. While no charges were filed against the white man, the students were later arrested for the theft of the gun.

That Monday at school, a white student, who had been a vocal supporter of the students who hung the nooses, taunted the black student who was beaten up at the off-campus party and allegedly called several black students "nigger." After lunch, he was knocked down, punched and kicked by black students. He was taken to the hospital, but was released and was well enough to go to a social event that evening.

Six Black Jena High students, Robert Bailey (17), Theo Shaw (17), Carwin Jones (18), Bryant Purvis (17), Mychal Bell (16) and an unidentified minor, were expelled from school, arrested and charged with second-degree attempted murder. The first trial ended last month, and Mychal Bell, who has been in prison since December, was convicted of aggravated battery and conspiracy to commit aggravated battery (both felonies) by an all-white jury in a trial where his public defender called no witnesses. During his trial, Mychal's parents were ordered not to speak to the media and the court prohibited protests from taking place near the courtroom or where the judge could see them.

Mychal is scheduled to be sentenced on July 31st, and could go to jail for 22 years. Theo Shaw's trial is next. He will finally make bail this week.

The Jena Six are lucky to have parents and loved ones who are fighting tooth and nail to free them. They have been threatened but they are standing strong. We know that if the families have to go it alone, their sons will be a long time coming home. But if we act now, we can make a difference.

Join me in demanding that Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco get involved to make sure that justice is served for Mychal Bell, and that DA Reed Walters drop the charges against the 5 boys who have not yet gone to trial.

http://www.colorofchange.org/jena/?id=1534-321116

Thanks.

Hey ya'll, please read the information and sign the petition. Where is the media coverage on this? Seriously? What's going on in the world when stuff like this just sneaks on by?

Peace ya'll!

All I have to Be is Me!

2007-09-06T17:13:00.000-04:00

WOOTY WOOTY........ lol I love to be me, some days. Mostly when I'm laughing and having a good time with my Trink!

ONE STEP AT A TIME. THAT IS HOW I WILL GET WHERE I AM GOING.

So, simple and yet profound. I love the little box of sayings that my Trink made for me! I am happy. And getting happier and more secure. I had a great session last night. I am trying to keep it on a roll.

Peace ya'll!

Positive Thoughts and Self Talk. OY!

2007-09-04T09:31:00.000-04:00

Ok, so yea I have THE best girlfriend on the PLANET! She goes with me to all my therapy sessions and then proceeds to encourage me with awesome gifts! The last session I was told I had to start positive self talk to re-enforce my confidence. Long story short I'm insecure and blame myself for everything. Yes, EVERYTHING. lol
So, Trink comes up with the great idea. She typed up all of these positive thoughts and sayings, she cut them into little strips and put them into a container for me to pick one everyday. So, each morning, I pick one out an reflect on it or laugh my behind off. It's helping, it really is. so far, these are what I've pulled.

1. I will NOT feel guilty for caring for myself.
2. Loving life increases my energy and passions.
3. I am in charge, I am responsible for the direction of my boat.
4. I will trust my soul it knows the way.
5. I will be proud of my strengths and nurture them.
6. I will look for the beauty in every problem I have to solve.
7. I ALWAYS deserve love.
8. I start great conversations effortlessly and easily.
9. I will NEVER please everyone and that's OK.
10. I project love to everyone I meet.
11. Today I take time to inhale peace and exhale fear.
12. The more I accept and love myself; the more I can accept and love others.

I feel corny sometimes saying these things out loud but it supposedly helps. Trink and I have been having a laugh with some of them. She's the best girlfriend EVER.

Well, that's it for today.

Peace ya'll!

Courage at any age...

2007-08-29T13:02:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, we got our Newsweek magazine with a lovely cover discussing Osama Bin Laden. I opened it up and saw this.

I felt so proud of Lorraine Barr. I can't imagine what it must have been like for her to deal with all these feelings and not know who it was "safe" to talk to about them.

I think our generation take it for granted that as GLBT people that it's just accepted, or at the very least discussed in an open forum. As I read her story I was touched by her act of bravery. The courage it must have taken for her to finally be able to talk about the love(s) in her life.

Many of us will never experience the ridicule and disgust that so many people felt and continue to feel towards things they don't understand.

Here's to you Lorraine! I hope that this opens doors, and frees your soul. Love is a beautiful thing and may you be blessed always!

Peace ya'll!
D

God Bless The Men and Women...

2007-08-10T06:53:00.000-04:00

Who go out everyday to protect us all from the evil fuckers who want to do us harm. God bless their family and friends who will miss them, when one of those fuckers decides that their drug deal, or thievery or other illegal activity is more important than human life.

Every once in a while we get one but it doesn't make the loss of a loved one any easier to deal with.

God Bless the officers family and friends who are certainly mourning the death of a loved one today. And Our prayers are with the families of those injured in the line of duty.

Peace ya'll

Just one more thing.

2007-08-06T07:55:00.000-04:00

Ok, so it's Monday, which some of you know is my "laundry day" I start doing laundry pretty early. Well, Lana and me head to the laundry room and of course the light is out, which can only mean one thing. Someone is in there sleeping on the throw away couch, that maintenance hasn't moved yet.

I make as much noise as I can going in, so 'whomever' is in there will know I'm coming. Of course I'm right. It's the same little black gangster guy that is always there on Mondays. Sleepin off whatever gang banging things he does on Sunday nights. I know, I know, I am sounding prejudice and SO very white, but this is ridiculous.

Lana, naturally starts growling at him, because she's a good judge of character. I load up my laundry and decide I'm gonna put "him" on the spot.

Me: "Want me to turn the light off?"

Him: "huh? yea"

Me: "Do you live in this building?"

Him: "Yea. On the first floor."

Me: (sensing bullshit) "Why aren't you sleepin there?"

Him: "I'm knocked out."

Me: "Ok, I'll be back in half an hour."

Seriously?? lol That was absurd! I KNOW he doesn't live here. However I am going to do my best to handle the situation today. Letting the helpful leasing office know about the problems. Maylene is getting an earful from me today.

Now I'm worried that he's gonna pee on my laundry.

Peace ya'll!

Bleepin Morons!

2007-08-05T08:24:00.001-04:00

Ok, so, we got home last night about 12:15 a.m. No problems, just tired and worn out. I went to sleep about 2:30-3 o'clock. This morning, when my sweet little puppy woke me up at 8 to go potty, I get her collar on and leash and we head to our elevator.

The door opens and in we get. The door closes and as it does I see that someone, (see: fuckin idiot, gangster asshole) has spraypainted in huge black letters JACK THE RIPPER!

This is just the most moronic, idiot thing. It's been going on for a while. Sometimes I feel like writing beneath his hard work, "Get a fuckin job." or "PUSSY." But this would not ease my anger at the frikkin jerk-offs.

It's so frustrating when you live in the ghetto, and most people are nice and considerate and then you have these wannabe gangsters that come around and have to twist MY environment to their standards.

Fuck you, you pieces of trash, just fuck you. I blame MTV and P. Diddy. Just because I can.

Idiots!

How annoying....????

2007-07-31T12:51:00.000-04:00

This has GOT to be the most ludicrously annoying advertisement I have EVER seen. It could ONLY be thought up by a MAN. Yes, a MAN. Not even a SMART man. There has GOT to be a better idea than this. I don't think I've EVER met one woman who is like. "OH I can't wait! I'm gonna have SUCH a happy period!" "Did you have a happy period this month?" I can hear the shot guns action now.

Seriously, does anyone else see that commercial and go, "Gee, I never thought of it that way. By golly they're right! I CAN have a happy period!"

Oh Go FUG yourself!

lol

BLATANTLY STOLEN from....

2007-07-31T08:02:00.000-04:00

This kick ass chick.

After every flight, Quantas Airline pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P= The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in c o c kpit.
S: Something tightened in c o c kpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in c o c kpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S:Took hammer away from midget

It was so worth the chuckle!!!

America RULES!!

2007-07-05T17:19:00.000-04:00

FINALLY SOMETHING AMERICANS can be PROUD OF!!!!!!

ROCK THE HOT DOGS~

Peace ya'll!

Is it just me???

2007-06-29T00:08:00.000-04:00

Do any of you watch So you think you can dance? Does anyone else think that Mary Murphy looks like Rosie and Marie's love child??? lol
I swear I can't look at her without thinking that there was a drunken night between those two!!

lol!! I just had to share!!

Peace ya'll!

....Floating....Or Space and what it feels like.....

2007-06-19T09:35:00.000-04:00

Talk about strange. I was launched into the air by some sort of rocket. They pushed me out the door and told me to remember to do at least 2000 flips before landing back on Earth. I wasn't wearing a space suit. So I flip, flip, flip, and I realize, I'm all alone. Flip... flip.....flip.....I whistle....flip....no sound. I try and sing, flip..... flip...... flip....I can't hear anything. I try to look around as I flip....but can see nothing. It's endlessly dark, flip...flip...flip...

I begin to think about being all alone above the Earth.... flip...flip...flip.... I don't even want to be an astronaut. Flip...flip...flip.... Holy crap! I hate heights... flip..flip..flip..flip... I start to panic as I am flipping. Flip..flip..flip. I am flipping out of control. Flipflipflipflipflip. Much too quickly, I see the Earth rushing closer.... flipflipflipflip...flip...flip...

I'm of center...I'm gonna crash.....it's soo dark.....i wish there was a light....I wish I wasn't alone....

Where the hell are my shoes?!?!?!

Peace ya'll!

STRANGENESS....

2007-06-13T07:51:00.000-04:00

Ok, this is gonna be a weird one. I keep having these recurring dreams about marijuana. I have NO idea why. I have NEVER (really) NEVER smoked the stuff. For some reason tho, I keep having dreams about NEEDing it. WHAT is up with that? Seriously? I am a little concerned.

I know people who've smoked, I've SEEN people smoke. I just don't understand why I sometimes dream about it. It's very disconcerting.

Ok, just thought I'd get that off my chest.

Peace ya'll!

Feelin......funky today.

2007-06-12T09:24:00.000-04:00

Some of the things I need to say to myself....and others....lol

BACK TO JAIL!!!!!

2007-06-08T17:26:00.001-04:00

The public outcry of "INJUSTICE!!! CELEBRITY JUSTICE! MONEY CAN BUY YOU ANYTHING!!" Were apparently heard by all involved with the media. What a firestorm followed the release of and subsequent re-jailing of this "poor, little, rich girl."

I have to admit that I watched like a bad accident as paparazzi, and legit news outlets buzzed around the outside of her home. I asked myself, "why am I watching this circus? I can't even stand this girl!" and that in itself was my answer. She gets under my skin and rubs my sense of justice the WRONG way.

I watched hoping she would go back to jail serve her time and learn something about what it means to be a human being.

I heard so much about her being sad, and hysterical and sans moisturizer. Jail is NOT supposed to be fun! It's supposed to make you feel like crap, so that you won't want to go back. It's supposed to make you say, "Hey, I better tighten up and get straight!"

I don't understand her appeal, I don't think little girls should look up to her. She is a sad commentary on what we as a country are interested in. There is a war going on where people are dying and we are transfixed by this useless waste of space. UGH! I need a life!!!!

Go to jail PARIS!!! DO your time and next time, DON'T do the crime.

Peace ya'll!

That's F@#!ed up!

2007-06-08T06:33:00.000-04:00

Paris Hilton Released from Jail Posted on June 7, 2007 (EST)

Socialite and Hotel Heiress Paris Hilton

has been released from jail after only 3 days.

I can hardly wait for all the other prisoners to claim they aren't well enough to serve their sentences. Can you imagine the frikkin uproar?

Paris was reportedly not coping well behind bars. She cried through most of her 23 hours in jail everyday, had three blankets but no pillow, and complained that jail noises and her bright cell are keeping her awake.

Uh....Boo-FUCKIN-Hoo??? How many "REGULAR" people have cried in jail? She's uncomfortable?!?!? So is everybody else! What the hell is this country coming to? Since when is it part of the deal for jail to be comfortable? Isn't that the point of jail? So that when you go you are encouraged to NOT commit the same stupid crimes again? I mean honestly. WTF?!?!?!?

Things like this really get under my skin. It's sickening to know that if you have enough money and are in enough newspapers, magazines and bullshit you get special treatment. If I thought it would make a difference, I would get a petition going. Oooh someone did... www.ipetitions.com/petition/jailparishilton/

SIGN IT!!!!

Peace ya'll!

satisfying news.....

2007-06-04T08:06:00.000-04:00

Ahhh....the sweet sound of a moron...going to jail. http://apnews.myway.com/article/20070505/D8OTV73G0.html

For some reason I am getting such joy out of knowing that at least one idiot is gonna be off the streets tonight!! lol I am so sick of celebrities and pseudo "celebrities" getting away with shit the rest of us would never get away with!

I can only hope that her stay in "jail" is miserable. What a waste of air.

Peace ya'll!!

New Beginning....

2007-05-31T00:42:00.000-04:00

Why is it so hard to say what we are really thinking? I mean seriously? What's the big deal? It's 12:45am right now and I'm feeling stiffled by my beliefs. I probably shouldn't be blogging but there ya go! What is it that makes me censor myself?

Why do I feel like, if I express myself a certain way, I'm gonna have the wrath of so many people on me? Why do I care?

Gonna start being more honest.

Peace ya'll!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!

2007-05-19T07:48:00.000-04:00

Gonna have fun tonight!!! WHOOT WHOOT!!!

Learning to Forgive....

2007-05-09T12:44:00.000-04:00

Eph 4:31-32 (Phi) Let there be no more bitter resentment or anger, no more shouting or slander, and let there be no bad feeling of any kind among you. Be kind to each other, be compassionate. Be as ready to forgive others as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you.

I hope that some day my heart will learn these lessons...

Peace ya'll

Leaking Juices.....

2007-05-04T14:59:00.000-04:00

Ugh you guys are durty! My creativity is slowing leaking out of my brain. I started this "painting" a day project in January and sometimes I wonder... "WHAT WAS I THINKING?" I was thinking that just THIS would happen.

Stumped, Vashimmeled! I've got Skooty....(that's nothing)

There is so little to be inspired by sometimes and I notice that the spinning of the planet doesn't help. My world is so narrow and so encapsulated....... hmm....and idea is forming......yes...it's working it's way through.....

We'll see what happens.

Let us stream of conciously write and see what happens? I will try it and when I make an ass of myself, promise thatyou will laugh heartily!

Peace ya'll!

Totally Forgot to Post this...

2007-05-01T17:56:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I think I mentioned it before, my oldest brother is a Miami-Dade Police Officer. He called me last week to tell me this story about his 4yr old daughter Natasha. Let me set this up for you.

Gordie (that's my brother) and his family, wife Yami, Natasha and son Jake were going to the Miami Seaquarium. The kids had been given granola bars to snack on during the ride there. apparently Natasha likes to compete with her 1 yr old brother Jake and decided that whoever had eaten their bar the fastest was the winner.

I don't think Jake really cared or even knew that he was in a race. Natasha had finished her granola bar first and raised her hands in triumph!

"I win!" she yelled.

Yami: "Wow Natasha, how did you finish that so fast?" (wait for it.....)

Natasha : "I wasn't dickin around!"

Stunned silence and then the sound of Yami smacking my brother for saying these things around his daughter.

Needless to say, I nearly fell out of my chair laughing, becaus eI can't tell you how many times I've warned my brother that children are little sponges and will repeat things that you say in the most embarassing situations.

I don't think Gordie will really change the way he talks around his kids. He just can't help himself. No sooner did he tell me this story than he told me about another occasion.

Natasha was being sent to her room for something that she did. Her mom was not happy with her. As she stomped past Gordie, he heard her mumble under her breath.

"What a bunch of bullshit."

So, my friends the lesson today is, be careful what you say around the kids. It WILL come around and bite you in the behind us!

Peace ya'll!

American Idol Gives Back????

2007-04-26T07:01:00.000-04:00

Ok, I don't know if it's me and my cynical mind or what. I was watching this show with Trink last night, and just got so frustrated and annoyed. I see all of these self-righteous Hollywood folk on T.V. begging for money from "us". I'm annoyed because they sit in their 12 bedroom mansions up on hills and behind gates and are surrounded by so much excess that they don't know what to do. So they come on T.V. and pretend to be concerned and guilt us into sending our last few dollars to make a difference.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all for making a difference and actually helping people. I just have a problem with celebrities making as much money as they do and acting like they actually give a shit. 1/3 of one of Simon Cowell's paycheck could (according to Ryan Seacrest) send 100's of children in Africa to school. Write the damn check Simon! Sign over one of your paychecks! Ryan, Paula, Randy! All you idiots!

Granted I heard at last count they had actually raised $30 million. I just hope all of the money actually goes to help those really in need.

I suppose it just really irks me when I hear that it takes $200 to send an African child to school for the year and yet you go and visit them with bottled water, and $400 shirts and giant gold rings and a frikkin $100 ball cap. I just don't get it. Publicity? Ratings?

UGH! I just can't handle the hypocrisy! Instead of bringing them bubbles or toys or candy. Bring them something they can USE! Like decent housing or a clean water system. Good Lord!

PLECH! I think I'm done with the rant I was just really annoyed last night.

Peace ya'll!

You know I mean?

2007-04-24T06:55:00.000-04:00

Fighting Spirit!

2007-04-22T10:49:00.000-04:00

Thanks to SYD at http://www.adrenalinesshadow.com for the post. I TOTALLY stole it from her!!

1944 Miss America Venus Ramey was the first red head to win Miss America. During WWII, her picture was painted on the side of fighter planes which made 68 raids over Germany, and never lost a man. At a time when it seemed the country was losing the war, this story made the Associated Press and built a nation’s morale.
That was then…

This is now…Ms Ramey, now 82, lives on a farm in south-central Kentucky, and she is still FIERCE. Having been burglarized in the past, when she spotted intruders on her property, Ms Ramey propped herself on her walker to retrieve her .38 snub nose pistol. She then shot out the tires on the offending vehicle and flagged down a passing car to call 911.

Preliminary Results....

2007-04-17T13:43:00.000-04:00

Trink just checked in and her results of our experiment are kind of sad. Some of the responses were...

"I don't see that."

"What are you on?"

and the most common one... "If you say so."

This in turn made my Trink feel silly because of their responses. What a good sport she is to help me out with my little whims of goofiness. I feel kind of bad for people who just don't have happiness in their hearts....

Maybe I'll try something else. See if my Trink is willing!!! I wonder if anyone else will try it. I'd love to hear what is happening elsewhere....

Peace Ya'll!! Mad love to my Trinket!!!

GLORIOUS MORNING!

2007-04-17T06:43:00.000-04:00

Ok So, I challenged Trink to a little experiment this morning. I asked her when she gets to work and greets people to say, "What a glorious morning!" and really mean it. I told her I thought it would make her day better and brighter and probably everyone else's that she spoke to. She PROMISED that she would do this, so I'll let you know how it turns out! Try it for yourselves!

Peace!

Mornin Walkin....

2007-04-17T05:31:00.000-04:00

Well, I gotta say, that I'm very proud of us. We got up on Monday morning at 5a.m. and took a walk around our complex with the dog. We did this again this morning. yes, of course there are complaints and aches and pains. Sometimes it's just too damn early. I think that something just clicked. We just keep puttin our shoes on, and getting dressed and just going. We sort of have a plan. But we aren't putting too much stress on ourselves about it.

It's encouraging to know that we can do this. Rather, that I can do this and not die. lol. One step at a time, one day at a time. I think it will really make a difference for me in my emotional well-being. So, YEA US! lol I think I'll take our digital camera with us tomorrow morning. I hope this lovely cool weather holds out for a good long while in the morning.

so that's what we've been up to. Keep good thoughts for us! Much love ya'll!

Peace!

Strange kids....

2007-04-12T08:59:00.000-04:00

We have the strangest bunch of creatures living in our home. I don't know if any of you animal lovers/owners out there notice this or not....but.... Our "kids" each have they're own personality.

We have the old lady... Midnite who, everytime I talk about her, she gets 10 yrs older. Katrina rescued her from a per store when she was in high school. She's the matriarch of the house. She keeps the young'ins in line. Sometimes I can see her glaring at the "other" ones like they would just disappear. She's not very social with strangers. It took her about a year to get used to me. She loves chicken and milk like any good cat would.

Then we have Nemesis, who I swear has a complex. She's a bit overweight and we never hesitate to tease her about it... (can you say hypocrites???) Katrina took her in when Nemi's mom brought her to Trink's door. She was really tiny and sickly. It's like the kitty mom KNEW that Trink would take care of her. Nem is super moody. She likes attention, but only if you are paying attention to her and her alone. She will nip your fingers if you stop scratching her. And will take her frustration out on anything or anyone nearby. It's quite funny. SHe likes red licorice and anything that is anyone elses...lol.

Callisto is 'our' cat that we adopted from animal rescue. She was the cutest, sweetest, tiniest little thing. I was in LOVE..... we brought her home and the 2 eldest ones glared, and spit and carried on. It was as if we had coused them with freezing water and then laughed. Calli, took over immediately. She was loving and snuggly and just wanted to be a person so badly. You could see it in her eyes. She wanted to play with the others, but they just turned their noses and tails at her. She is like a little kid. She will put her arms around you like a hug and just go right to sleep. I swear she thinks she's a baby. Now Cali is most like me I think. She loves tomato soup and sour cream, and peanut butter. What is that about?? She LOVES peanut butter. She comes running from the other room, if anyone has any. Soo funny. She likes to think she's queen bee, but midnite puts her in her place.

Ashton, is out bunny. He was a Valentine gift for Trink. He's a dwarf bunny, with beautiful grey-blue eyes. Sweet as can be with Trink. He LOVES her. When we let him out, he runs around the house looking for Nemesis. Apparently he's in love with her. I don't know why he chose the least social of our cats, but her just loves her. He will run circles around her as if trying to get her to chase him and she just lays there looking at him like he's crazy. It's the cutest thing.

Then, of course there's our angel. Lana. She's soo frikkin funny...but you have heard all about her..... I just think that it's kind of crazy how they all have their own little personalities and quirks. We are such an unusual mix of creatures here in our house......

Just thought you should know.

Peace ya'll!

Ghetto Fabulous!

2007-04-11T12:31:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I've pretty much lived in the ghetto my whole life. First down in North Miami. Now here in beautiful Plantation. (a couple of not so ghetto-ish places in the interim.)

The one thing that I really, really loathe about living in the ghetto, is the thoughtful people who share their music with me at 2 in the fuckin mornin. What the hell is that about? Is it really necessary to drive through the parking lot with your bass cranked so loud that it shakes the windows?

I frikkin live on the 4th damn floor and your shit is wakin my ass up. I just don't get it. I never have. maybe I'm turnin into an old cranky lady, I don't know. But I never did that as a teenager either. I just don't understand the need to wake the whole complex up.

Yes it frustrates the hell out of me. I can deal with the drug dealers....(sheeya right!) and the delinquent morons who destroy things that were just fixed in the building...(mutherfaqers) but the noise level, the lack of thought, the pure inconsideration for your fellow man...is just annoying as all get out.

Florida has just become the armpit of the United States. I've lived here my whole life and it's just gotten soo much worse.

PLECH and KaPLOOOEY!!

Peace Ya'll and turn your music down in residential neighborhoods. I'm not afraid to call the cops.

Pupdate.....

2007-04-06T11:07:00.000-04:00

Sunny day! Everything's A-O K!!!! On my way to where the air is SWEET!!!!

Lana is FINE....she got her boots off today and her pads look great. She is played out and sleeping right now! So thanks for the good thoughts!

Much love!

Peace ya'll!

Puppy Paws and Tennis Courts

2007-04-04T11:36:00.000-04:00

Ok so here's the situation, I took Ms. Lana out to play as I try to do everyday. We went out a little later than usual yesterday. As a result of this, there were WAY too many kids crowded around our usual play area. So we confined ourselves to the tennis courts where we used to play, so Lana would diturb or chase the little hoodlums. We were having a grand old time and Lana was running like a maniac. She had plenty of water and her little friend Zoe from the 3rd floor even came down to play with her.

About an hour later Lana was resting in the grass and had begun limping. I thought perhaps that she maybe ran a little too hard on her paw and maybe twisted it. I began to overheat so we trudged back upstairs to cool off. I didn't think much of Lana's limping as it had happened before and she didn't seem too bothered by it.

Well, Katrina comes home and Lana and I are chillin out and her mama says, "What's this?"

I clearly have no idea as it looks and feels like a piece of vinyl. So I check Lana's feet......

"OMYGOD!!! Call the vet! Her pads are falling off!" I say. Her front pad looks all raw and scary and the pad is kind of hanging there. This one was from one of her back paws.

So Trink gets on the phone with the vet and asks them if this is something to be concerned about etc..... They tell her to bring Lana in because it can be very painful. Mind you, Lana is not bleeding or whimpering or anything. Her Panicked mommy is worried. So, we head out to the vets, I like a complete retard decide that she can now not walk on her own paws and proceed to pick said 65lb dog up and carry her to the car. BAD IDEA.

We get to the vet they look at her paws and "Aww... poor puppy....we'll trim these others and put bootys on her."

Of course it's my fault for running her on what has amounted to an inferno, tennis court of death. I have marred my puppy. I feel like the worst mom ever!!! The vet reassures me as does my wonderful g/f that it was an accident and how was I to know? Even Lana let's me know it's ok. They knocked her out and cleaned her up....

And now she has three wrapped paws that I'm amazed she hasn't tried to chew through yet. God bless her little heart. She is such a good dog. Our vet was very nice and very,. very good to us on the price of the visit. It could've been about $300 but she cut us a break.

So we go back on Friday to get her bandages off. As long as we can keep them dry and mostly clean, she should be fine.

So, some pain pills with lunch and lots of love and some french fries. My little 4 legged best friend is doing fine.

Look at that face!!!

She got to snuggle with her mama as a treat to go to bed.

Man we love our pets!!!

Peace Ya'll!

A flower grows in the Ghetto!

2007-04-02T11:22:00.000-04:00

Ms. Trink and I have been talking as of late, how we must CHOOSE to be happy. How everyday when we wake up we should be thankful for all the blessings in our lives. Well, this morning, when we woke up and headed out the door, there were no lights on. Very strange occurance. Only on the outside the lights weren't working. The elevator was working but the lights were not. Bizarre.

Well, later in the morning when the sun came up, I took our Lana downstairs to break in her new squirrel toy. She destroyed the old one. WOW. This dog LOVEs to play! On our way back to the apartment, we found that flower growning out front. A flower growin on out little ghetto. As much as I complain about this place. (for good reason mind you). I am still happy that I can see the beautiful things about the world.

Peace ya'll!

I have the Coolest BIG Brother!!

2007-03-23T17:31:00.000-04:00

My big brother is a police officer. That in and of itself is amazing to me. He's a REAL hero. But right now, he's off duty and working security at the Miami Ink Tattoo shop down on south beach! He called me on his way there and told me about it. He doesn't even know who the guys are!! lol

So he gets there and he is talking to AMI!! AMI!! Can you believe it and says that he is super nice and that he got his autograph for me. He said he was gonna try and get Yogi's and Darrens and who ever else he could. HOw cool is he???

I just had to put it out there that my brother loves me and I sometimes forget that. He's the coolest tho and I should tell him more often!!!!

Love you Gordie!! you are the COOLEST Big brother I know!!!

Peace Ya'll!

Too Good Not to Post

2007-03-21T13:39:00.000-04:00

In Lebanon , men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.(Like THAT makes sense.)

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In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but isprohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may onlysee their reflection in a mirror.(Do they look different reversed?)

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Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This alsoapplies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered witha brick or piece of wood at all times.(A brick?)

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The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.(Much worse than "going blind!")

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There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside anddeflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for thefirst time. Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins tomarry.(Let's just think for a minute; is there Any job anywhere else in the worldthat even comes close to this?)

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In Hong Kong , a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulteroushusband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's illicitlover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.(Ah! Justice!)

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Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool , England - but only in tropicalfish stores.(But of course!)

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In Cali , Colombia , a woman may only have sex with her husband, and thefirst time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

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In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a womanand her daughter at the same time.(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

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In Maryland , it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with oneexception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "inplaces where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."(Is this a great country or what? Well, not as great as Guam !)

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Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.(Who volunteers for this stuff?)

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Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)

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The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weightand always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (From drinking little bottles of???)(Did the government pay for this research??)

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Butterflies taste with their feet.(Ah, geez.)

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An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.(I know some people like that.)

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Starfish don't have brains.(I know some people like that, too.)

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And, the best for last?Turtles can breathe through their butts.(And I thought I had bad Breath in the morning!)

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A Day In the Life......

2007-03-19T10:26:00.000-04:00

Guest Writer today is Ms. Lana Mojo Lola Jo-Jo Sydney Bristow Valentino.

This morning I woke up....and my moms took me outside for chi-chi and boom boom. The elevator is broken again so I had to go down the stairs....I don't mind because it's fun. Then Mama left for work, she said bye to me before she left. So I ran back upstairs to mommy. We waited to see mama dirve away. I like when we do that.

Today is Monday which means I get to do luandry with mommy. I help her carry the basket, well I at least run down to the laundry room to make sure that everything is in order and no one is in there.

After we put the laundry in the washer we get to go back and I play with my best friend... Nemesis....

Sometimes I help her clean the tough spots to reach. She can be annoying but, I like to help out. Sometimes when I'm helping her she bites me. I don't like this.....so I tell mommy and she makes Nemesis leave me alone.

Then I get to go out back onto the balcony and watch the birds....

Sometimes Midnite and Nemesis sit out there with me. We really like the breeze and the sun. Callisto sits inside and watches us. I think she's afraid of me.... but then she come and snuggles with us, when I'm snuggling with mommy....

After we finishes folding laundry, mommy plays a game with me and I get really tired. I run and run and run, and then drink alot of water. It's sometimes really hot outside. So, when we come back upstairs mommy let's me relax wherever I want, so I lay right on her favorite pillow....

She must really love me... lol.

After I take a nice long nap, I help mommy keep the kitties in line. They like to act up and I have to get them back on track.

Then it's time for mama to come home and I can hardly contain myself. We wait outside for her, and then I go running to the stairs and greet my Mama! she's the best I love it when she comes home and pets my head and tells me she loves me. It's the best time of the day!

So, that's my day, I really like it and I really LOVE my moms!

WOOF WOOF!!

Blasts from the past

2007-03-08T08:49:00.001-05:00

Wow....I can't believe how many old friends I've found lately. I tried looking on Classmates before but it costs money.... So Myspace to the rescue. I found so many friends old and new. I'm so happy for the chance to reconnect and see how everyone has grown. And yet see how much I haven't....lol...sort of.

I'm still the same goofy kid I always was. I've got a few more issues I'm dealing with, but mostly...I'm still Donna. I would love to spend time with all of the friends that I've found again. I miss hangin out and havin fun.

My new therapist is super nice and seems really willing to work with to help me get better. Nicole Diaz.... she's gonna start actually charting my progress. I'm looking forward to getting into my head and figurin it all out. Try not to get frustrated with myself in the process. Nothing is moving fst enough for me.

Well.. that was a convoluted post...sorry.....

2007-03-07T07:02:00.000-05:00

So, this is my old closet door. How creative was I? How cool were my folks to let me do this to my door? And my walls? Some of my friends will remember this door and all the silliness that went with it! Art contributed and pictures.... Some really good memories with this door and so many metaphorical things too.... lol ....Just thought I'd post a blast from my past.

Peace ya'll!

Ok...WHAT THE?!?!?

2007-02-19T15:37:00.000-05:00

Ok so I guess my dog is feelin a little insecure. Her and Nemesis (or cranky cat) are like best friends/ worst enemies. Lana cleans her all the time. And chases her and plays with her. Well, last night we were sittin in the room and Lana comes in and proceeds to try and HUMP Nemesis. WTH?!?!?!? I nearly fell off the bed laughing. Aforementioned creatures are both girls and both "fixed"

Anyone know what this is about? I'm assuming it's about social dominance. I was just curious.... Lol...it was soo funny....Nemesis had this look on her face... like, "What the hell do you think you're doin???
lol

Broken already.....

2007-02-14T06:32:00.000-05:00

DEATHTRAP STRIKES AGAIN!!!!

Stuck open on the first floor!!!

Well, let's act like we're surprised. I would if I was, but sadly, the inept morons that put this thing together can't even fix it properly. I'm not surprised. Frustrated, yes, angry? Yes....

It's absurd that the elevator was working for 5 days??? Good grief. We'll see who long it takes them to come out and correct the problem this time. It's a WHOLE brand new elevator!!! For heaven's sake!!

Anyway, there ya go....HAppy Valentine's DAY!!!

HELP with Snoring!!

2007-02-12T06:46:00.000-05:00

Anyone have ANY ideas? Suggestions? Home Remedies?
I'm open to ANYTHING!
Pillow over my face?

Sleeping while standing?

Mouth full of feathers?

Shot of Camel spit???

Kitty Litter?

THe CLumping Kind??

Anything??? Let me know if you have any suggestions.... PLEASE!!! Before I snore my honey right outta my life!!!

Thanks!

100 things about me...,.

2007-02-08T12:09:00.000-05:00

1. I am a natural Redhead
2. I have 2 brothers, 1 sister, 2 step sisters and one step brother.
3. I hate to fly.
4. I am Claustrophobic
5. And Agoraphobic
6. I have severe panic disorder.
7. I HATE it.
8. I love the smell of gasoline.
9. Fall is my favorite season
10. I do NOT like nuts in my brownies.
11. Or my cookies....(usually)
12. I'm a picky eater.
13. You can't tell by looking at me.
14. I'm unusually good at distracting myself.
15. I love to alphabetize CD's.
16. Sometimes I keep too many keepsakes.
17. I have a friendship egg that's about 20 years old.
18. I once lost myself in somebody else.
19. I FINALLY found myself.
20. I am a fidgeter.
21. I am very tactial.
22. I can't sleep unless my honey is in the house or I know she'll be home soon.
23. It's hard for my to be proud of myself.
24. Little tiny, toys make me smile.
25. I really hate smiley faces.
26. I collect too many things.
27. Postcards at night are my favorites.
28. My puppy is one of my best friends.
29. She has helped me leave the house.
30. I love to sing.
31. With my mom.
32. I play guitar
33. And a little piano
34. I read comic books.
35. I'm a backseat driver that sits in the front seat.
36. My first job was at The Chosen Children's Foundation.
37. We tried to sell trash bags and Cards during dinner.
38. It sucked.
39. I drove the driving range cart at a golf course. (Yes they try to hit you)
40. I was never hit.
41. I flooded the driving range once.
42. I worked at a preschool.
43. I loved it.
44. I used to have ALOT more energy
45. I used to be healthier.
46. I LOVE to dance.
47. Haven't danced in a while.
48. Yes, I LOVED the Spice Girls. Still do. (So?)
49. I have glow sticks from the first club I went to ever.
50. It was called The Edge.
51. People used to think I was an Angel.
52. I was just a naive girl.
53. I'm not so naive anymore.
54. I've always been Gay.
55. Just never knew what to call it.
56. The smell of Hugo Boss for women makes me smile.
57. One of my prized possessions is an autographed backstage pass to Cyndi Lauper's Girls' just wanna have fun tour.
58. Scary movies that are realistic freak me out. I don't like to watch them.
59. Stupid People shouldn't breed.
60. Sometimes my friends disappoint me.
61. Sometimes I disappoint my friends.
62. I disappoint myself alot.
63. I bite my nails.
64. I think I was a ninja a long time ago.
65. HAHAHAHAHA I'm lkaughing to hard to write this one.
66. I'm fierceley protective.
67. Terribly insecure.
68. I'm a Christian
69. I haven't been to church in a LOOOOOOONG time.
70. I miss it.
71. I don't think I want to be judged by them.
72. God made me in HIS image tho.
73. God don't make mistakes does he?
74. Sometimes I wonder if I'll go to Heaven.
75. Then I remember my bible verses.
76. Laughing is the best thing on the planet.
77. My friend Tara is the first person who knew I was gay...(after me)
78. I am lucky enough to know my soulmates.
79. I want to travel the U.S. at some point.
80. I want to stop being afraid.
81. I'm left handed.
82. I have stubby toes.
83. I'm surprisingly flexible
84. Sometimes I take things for granted.
85. I'm always grateful that Trink comes home everyday.
86. I am a morning person.
87. Who talks alot.
88. I wish I wasn't so judgmental.
89. I sometimes fart in my sleep.
90. I can pick up almost anyting with my toes.
91. I have trouble finishing things I start.
92. I'm determined to change that.
93. I'm an optimist.
94. I'm pretty sure God has a plan for me.
95. I wish it was winning the Lotto.
96. We hit a casino jackpot once.
97. I nearly pee'd myself!
98. I have 11 nieces and nephews and half of them were born in February.
99. My middle name is Frances.
100. WOW!! Look I finished something!

Well Wonders Never Cease!

2007-02-07T15:09:00.000-05:00

It's Official!! The Deathtrap is Operable!!!

It's amazing! It's a miracle!! I did a dance with the head of maintenance. It was ridiculous....and actually quite funny. Me and Victor the head guy doin a dance out front. It was funny.

I'm stunned into speechlessness.......

HOORAY!! HOORAY!!!

Peace ya'll!

I don't want to Jinx it....

2007-02-05T09:42:00.000-05:00

There may be an end in sight. I was doin laundry and I saw the elevator guys out there with who I think was the county inspector. I saw a light come on. A door open....and some movement.

The deathtrap may be resurrected!!

Hallelujah! I'll let you know for sure...

Peace Ya'll!

Ice, Cars, and Sisters....OH MY!!

2007-02-01T21:22:00.000-05:00

Well, my mom called me tonight to let me know that my sister and step-sister were in a car accident. For those of you who have been around, my step sister was in a TERRIBLE accident just before Christmas. Mom said that tonight they were going to bring my pop some food at work when they hit an icy patch and slid off the road into a ditch and hit a tree. My sisters door was smashed in and she hurt her neck and her hip. The ambulance was on it's way when my mom called me.

I just really want my mom to have some peace. I can't even begin to tell you what all she has been dealing with.

So much all at once and all the time. I wish they lived closer, then maybe I could help her somehow. As it is, they are in Arkansas...and I'm in SOUTH Florida...so......it makes it really hard to help.

Just sendin prayers their way that nothing is broken or out of place. My step sister broke lots of bones in Dec. So.......

I'll know more tomorrow.

Thanks....peace!

Later that day....

2007-02-01T17:03:00.000-05:00

The view this afternoon from my 4th floor loo window. oooh if I zoom out all the way the screen looks less and less like a jail cell. yippee!!

Today was a tough day. Had a bad panic attack this morning. Keep tryin to work through it. I just wish I could figure out WHY they happen so I can make them S T O P!!! UGH!!

I'm feel better. I LOVE the new blogs I've been reading. They make me smile. I guess I did too much yesterday rearranging everyting by myself and not getting any sleep. Oy to the Vey! Loopy girl that I am. Anyway, I hope you enjoy my nice Florida weather...lol. I wish it was snowing...like it is at my mom's!

Peace ya'll!!

View from my Loo 2

2007-02-01T06:58:00.000-05:00

The moon was HUGE and beautiful this morning. I tried to get it with my digital camera, but it's just so sad. I wanted to share the view from my loo. Sometimes it's beautiful out there. Sometimes it just looks like jail.

I think I've created a new project for myself...muahahaahah!! Maybe I'll post another one later today.

Peace ya'll!

Hi ya'll!!

2007-01-31T17:23:00.000-05:00

What a day today. I actually had some N R G and decided to rearrange our room. ALL BY MYSELF. I think that may have a been a little silly on my part. Cuz, now I'm exhausted. We are expecting our bed hopefully tomorrow or Friday. What a relief that will be.

My brain sure is stuck on empty today. I just wanted to say hi and I hope all is well with ya'll!

Peace!
Frannie

Sunday Sunday...

2007-01-28T08:51:00.000-05:00

Man, I've been reading a few new blogs lately. Some of them are really interesting. And some, like mine are "fluff". I wonder if people read these because they find other peoples opinions interesting, or just are curious about life in general. I've always been curious about other people's lives. How they live, what they do, who they love.

I've always considered myself a "people" person. All until this whole panic crap started. It's hard to be a people person when your social network consists of your partner, your puppy and your cats. lol.

I've got to have a sense of humor don't I? This is just so silly already. I can't take some days. It's frustrating and upsetting. So what do I do? I take a deep breath and look at the good things in my life. I plant a new seed in the window box and see what grows. ya know? Well, I'm gonna put a couple of new links up to some blogs that I think are fun.

Enjoy! And Thanks for checkin in!

Peace ya'll!!

Bad ME!! !

2007-01-17T06:44:00.000-05:00

Well, I've been focused on my other project... paint365.blogspot.com But I thought I might update ya'll on what's going on here. The deathtrap is STILL broken and I have been getting the runaround still from the office about when, where, who and all the flotsum and jetsum of BULLSHIT!!!

So, I have decided that I will call all day everyday and annoy them until the elevator is fixed. Soemthings got to give this is INSANE!! What if something happens to someone on the fourth floor? Are the paramedics gonna really run upstairs with a gurney?? I mean this is a serious risk. I think I'll remind the office. MUAHAHAHAH!! I think they'll just get annoyed with all the calling...what do you think?

Peace ya'll!
D

DeathTrap Update

2006-12-11T09:18:00.000-05:00

Well, I can hardly believe it, but they are workin on the elevator for the second day in a row! I don't want to say, that it could be working soon...because as you all know it's been WELL over a year! BUT they are working on it~!

Supposedly, it will be "done" soon. I don't want to hold my breath...but it sure would be a nice Christmas present.

It's been insane around here without that elevator luggin presents up and down the stairs...and all the groceries....

I'm beginning to lose hope that it will ever be fixed!

Merry Christmas to all and to all....a Gnight!

PEACE!

OH Christmas Tree

2006-12-06T07:50:00.000-05:00

Where the heck have I been? Crazy....visiting craytown and trying to escape! I can't believe it's December. Where did the year go? Passed me right by! Babies and parties and craziness!

Well hopefully all of you will have a Safe and Happy Holiday. Let's try to be a little nicer, a little more thoughtful, and alot less stressed this year huh?

Merry Christmas Ya'll!

Peace on Earth....Good will toward everyone!

R.I.P. Scraggely Opossum

2006-09-29T13:39:00.000-04:00

Taking Katrina to work this morning we stopped for breakfast. Lana was so excited about her bacon. Me and Trink were both achy...too much stress in the house right now. Drivin along in our loaner car, (cuz our car had a total engine meltdown apparently). I turned down the nice quiet street heading to her office...

"donna watch out!!"

"OH MY GOD!!!" screech! Swerve! Crunch crunch....

"I killed him...I killed him!!"

"Donna it's ok...accidents happen. Stupid thing ran into the street..."

I'm in hysterics...I just killed an animal. Sure we joke about roadkill all the time. But I have NEVER been a part of creating it. Ya know? It's traumatising. Suddenly, I felt bad for it's family. Maybe he was just trying to get to work ya know? Minding his business. He didn't look up. I don't think he really knew what hit him. I felt it tho. I took his little life from him. And I feel really bad. What do you do in situations like this? I mean a card isn't really appropriate.

I have to say, I don't ever want to experience anything like that again.

So, little fuzzy, creepy looking thing, I am sorry for what happened today. I didn't mean to hurt you. We are all God's creatures even though we may not always understand each other.

I hope your family wasn't around....

Peace ya'll!!

......five years later.....

2006-09-11T09:03:00.000-04:00

I remember sitting at my desk in Fort Lauderdale... and hearing the people around me talking about New York. Hearing something about a plane and buildings. The information was slow in coming....as if no one really new what was going on...

I remember my heart flying into my throat. I remember thinking, the world is going to end. Is this World War 3? Where are they going to attack us next? Then I thought about my sister. She was supposed to fly the next day. To come own here. I called my family in Arkansas. Pop what's going on?

I'm watching the news now...is everyone ok?

Yes, sweetie we're ok, don't worry. i'll keep watching the news and let you know what's going on.

I could hear him trying to tell my grandmother, what had happened. She didn't understand what she was seeing, she thought it was a movie. I remember going downstairs with Cindy to the Progressive lounge and watching the TV to see what happened. Everything was still....so quiet. People were trying to call New York and get in touch with loved ones.

The office stood still trying to make sense of what happened....I got a ride home from my friend. I sat in front of the TV dumbfounded, wondering how something like this could happen. We heard rumors that buses and trains were under attack. Then the 2nd plane hit and it became real that someone was attacking us. Everything that day changed.

Five years later and still we are fighting and not winning, dying and not living....where does it end? When will it end?

Fighting for PEACE really is like screwing for virginity....

PEACE Ya'll! May God Bless the families that have lost so much!

DNA Test?!?!

2006-08-15T23:49:00.000-04:00

Check it out!!

My Personal Dna Report

Panic Shmanic....

2006-08-15T23:09:00.000-04:00

So, I still have the occasional, panic attack. Crowds, warm places, long drives.....
I'm working on them...or rather working on me. Yeah, it's hard. It's grueling and disturbing and frustrating. Sometimes I can't really get my thoughts together. So many things running through my head. I worry about my family. I worry about me and my "family".

Lori (my therapist {isn't that soo 80's?}) tells me that I need to stop being so involved and playing the middle man in my family issues. Apparently I'm addicted to the stress? hahahaha....yea that's me!! PHUEESHAW!!

Oy to the Vey focus is so hard for me. I need a list...any suggestions? Anyone? Anyone out there? Listening? Little guidance please....

Peace ya'll!!

^--^ ANTS IN THE BATHTUB ^--^

2006-08-02T15:27:00.000-04:00

I'm sure you've all heard of the Snakes on a Plane movie right? Well, I got ANTS in MY BATHTUB!!!!

It's an invasion! I don't know where they are coming from, they are swarming out from the walls. I kill one...and then thousands come rushing out...I'm assuming, mourning the lose of yet another loved one. I have caulked and sprayed and spakled. Still they come scurrying out.

While sitting in my lovely tub today, I began to ponder my ants. I watched as they poked their heads out of the tiniest of cracks. I'm sure they could see the giant, pale, naked woman sitting in the water. it didn't seem to phase them. They came scurrying out anyway.

They raced back and forth search for what I can only gather, could be called food. (In my shower?) No food, only body products...soaps, shampoos and the like. They are relentless.

Annoyed, I lean forward and CRUSH the tiny little buggers. What a mistake that was! apparently I angered them! I have never seen such an influx of creatures. The first few out gathered the crushed little ant body and scurried it back into the crack in the wall. The rest of them, came rushing out shouting what I can only imagine were obscenities. Shaking their little ants fists and wailing in horror.

I started to feel kind of bad. What if I killed someones brother, or sister. So willy nilly, I snuffed out this little ants life. Am I so hardened that I do not respect ALL life? I sound like a hippie now.

Granted, ants are God's creation, what they are for, I'm not sure? They seem to only come out during the summer months when I guess it's too hot inside our walls to stand it.

The angry mob is dispersing and scattering about the tub now. some of them are headed my way. I splash water onto the walls, I throw bubbles at them. They swim. They float and little angry ant voices scream as I pull the plug and watch them go down the drain.

DAMN ANTS!!! Squish Squish....

Peace Ya'll!

THe SAGA Continues!!!

2006-07-30T08:01:00.000-04:00

Not to sound excited or anything....(note the sarcasm...) The deathtrap may actually be fixed sometime soon....

Yeah that's what I said. {insert various sounds of doubt} I've seen them working on it...I think. I mean there were several guys huddled around the open door. The promise has continued to be the end of this month...wait...isn't that tomorrow? You mean it will be fixed tomorrow?!?! YIPPEE!! Shee-ya! right... what's todays date?

<----These are the lies we've been told.

Nevermind I guess...two fat chicks walkin up and down four flights of stairs....who cares? Good exercise. Right? Yeah...PLECH! I'm done hoping. However...I am NOT done BITCHING! I will continue to harass, prode, poke, demand, and insist that this unjustice be corrected!! HUZZAH!!!!

Peace ya'll!

Where Oh Where has my little brain gone?

2006-05-27T16:16:00.000-04:00

Well, we spent my birthday with a couple of friends. We went to dinner at Ruby Tuesdays, which has surprisingly good food. Then headed back to our friend Shannons house where we opened presents and ate cake! It was hilarious. I love our friends and was surprised by one person I had bad feelings about.

Brian Dean, whom we all call Dean decorated a wooden cross for me with my name and some flowers by hand. He pen drew them on. This is a man that I did not have good feelings about and here he surprised me with a gift that meant something to him and to me. It was a surprise.

Our friends Brandon and Micki had just gotten back from Barcelona where they purchased candy and a change purse for me....it was sooo cute.

Shannon got me a paint by numbers set so that I could practice my painting. He's soo good about gifts.

Jaime got me $25 Tate dollars which are always useful.
June bought dinner.

and Salty got me a drinking game, and some shot glasses...soo cute!

I truly love our friends and how much we all get along. They even got Jaime, June and I a birthday cake. Did I mention that our brithdays all fall around the same time? Jaime (15th), Me (19th), and June (21st). We celebrated together!

Left to right is Jaime, Me and June
at Ruby Tuesdays...

And our Cake....

Just for the record Costco makes and AMAZING Cake...Cream Cheese frosting and all!! WHOOO!!! Like the rainbow? lol

Then this weekend Katrina and I went to see X-men the last stand YEEHAW!! soo good...and today we went and finally saw the DaVinci Code...they were very true to the book. So exciting.

Therapy has been going really well. I think I am finally allowing her to help me instead of fighting against her. I'm working really hard toward getting over these issues.

Thanks for the constant prayers. I love ya's!

Peace Ya'll!

Deathtrap Strikes AGAIN!

2006-04-19T15:16:00.000-04:00

So, I just put a call into Resident Relations of Aimco. Talked to a gentlemen named Tracy. I explained the problems to him that we have been having in this craphole of a complex. Naturally he was uninterested. Took my informtaion and asked me if there was anything else I wanted him to know at this time. I was like yeah....For what I'm paying in rent this place is a FUCKING SHITHOLE!!!

UGH!! I so want to get out of here!! If anyone has a spare couple grand lying around they feeling like lending me...( I will gladly pay it back)....Katrina and I would love to have our own place that's not out somewher ein the boonies. DAMMIT!!!!

Sorry....venting a little. We can afford a mortgage but apparently what we get approved for wouldn't buy a box of cardboard under I-95.

PEACE!

I gotta tell ya!

2006-03-30T11:44:00.001-05:00

I want to talk about my baby sister. All her life I have wanted to protect her and take care of her. She's nine yrs younger than me. I remember getting into my first car accident because I was rushing out of the yard to pick her up from school. I was late. I couldn't stand it when she got hurt. I fixed her boo-boos, and I ignored her alot when I turned 15.

I always wanted a little sister. For some reason I couldn't save her from all the tomrnet she managed to get herself into. She got into some bad things as a kid. Alot of stuff she never talked about and still doesn't. I still want to take care of her. I still worry about her. But not obssesively like I used to.

She has put my family through alot of SHIT, mostly my mom. BUT, even though she's done that and made some bad decisions her heart is soo generous. She is kind, and tenderhearted, even when she's hurt and hurting others. She's lashes out because I think she feels so much. She's had to grow up so fast. So fast....I think we forget that. I think we think she should be able to handle all the things she's dealing with. But she doesn't have the tools the rest of us have.

I love my sister. I have always loved my sister and have always had a soft spot in my heart for her. I want her to be happy and healthy more than anything I have ever wished for her.

My sister is beautiful.
My sister is loving.
My sister is generous.
My sister is special.
My sister is creative.
My sister is amazing.
My sister is tough.

My sister is one of my favorite people.
My sister makes me laugh like no other.
My sister, I miss her so much sometimes.

I love her. My sister, my friend.

Peace Ya'll!

Skinny Dipping AGAIN

2006-03-20T08:13:00.000-05:00

Good Grief the water was COLD. What is it about skinny dipping that people find so fascinating? LOL....the water was COLD.

So, just to catch you up, things have been going well. I wasn't able to make my last appointment because I hurt my back. I have no idea what happened. Couldn't possibly be the terrible bed that we have? Anyway, it's been going really well. I haven't had a severe panic attack since I started the new dose of Effexor...(Tom Cruise be DAMNED!) ROFLMAO!

It's also helping that my therapist is willing to go above and beyond to help me get over my fear and work my way through it. I guess it's mostly helping because I am letting myself be helped.

((((RANT COMING)))
Now, remember back when I first started this thing? Some of you will recall the "deathtrap". Yes it's Baaaaaccckkkk....PIECE of SHIT!!!! Mind you the exercise is doing both of us some good, but I REALLY don't like being FORCED to exercise. We are starting a 2nd week of stair climbing. Same bullshit from the office, "It's getting fixed, we're getting it taken care of." YEAH RIGHT!! GGrr....I really hate that. We are paying an arm and a leg to live here and still they can't keep anything working.

Well, I think that's it for now....

Peace Ya'll! Have a blessed day!

Hyper-Vigilent

2006-03-05T20:59:00.000-05:00

??????? Yeah that's what I said. Huh? Apparently my therapist thinks I'm hyper-vigilent. What does this mean? Well when I asked her she said, "The way you watch your back and your aware of everything around you. It's why you locked yourself up in your house." ???? Huh?

We were talking about how my father and older brother used to come into my room and take my deoderant or cologne or whatever. Without regard for the fact that it was mine, or that I was even in the room.

She said they acted like I didn't exist, that I was not important. This was something that I had never thought of. When I moved out of my parents house, I slept with my bedroom door locked. (Of course I had moved in with my older brother.) But I wanted to feel safe, like no one could get to me. Now that I am not living with any of my family, my door is not locked.

My therapist told me to write down how it made me feel that I was treat as "unimportant" and a "non-entity" by my father.

I guess, it sucks really. I mean, I look back and certain things were really raunch. And other things were not so bad. The fact of the matter is, I feel like, that's just the way my childhood was. Like it was normal how most people think of their childhoods, until they grow up and find out that.... "WHOA! That wasn't normal at all."

Right? Sure...I don't know. I told her that I didn't really care about what happened when I was a kid because I have a stepdad...who I have a hard time even calling him stepdad...he's my POP. My mom married him after she FINALLY divorced my dad. He treats me like a daughter. Like I am HIS daughter. He has never treated me any other way. He's been such a good, GREAT dad to me. It's hard for me to accept really, because I'm not used to it. I feel like he should yell or something, ya know? But he doesn't. He's so mellow and laid back. And I feel like I can talk to him about anything.

Lori says that my father HAS affected me and that I need to resolve those things before we can move on....well.....how will those things EVER be resolved? Honestly?

Peace Ya'll!

<<< HI!!! >>>

2006-02-28T10:13:00.000-05:00

Things have been going pretty good lately. I gotta say, something is shifting. Me and Trink have been happier, more relaxed about things.

I gotta tell ya, we had ZERO money this weekend, and ZERO food. WE were scraping sme change together to try and get some chicken for the week. On our way to the store, we checked the mail. In the mail, Katrina got a letter letting her know that she would be getting some money. Later that day, while I was walking the dog, I found a 20 dollar bill in the grass.

How COOL is GOD? Seriously? Just when we think that we are forgotten or things just can't get any worse along comes stuff like this. It's soo cool.

I hope everyone is well. Sorry I don't have much more to talk about. I'm loopy.

Peace Ya'll!

Well Gosh...

2006-02-13T12:25:00.000-05:00

i have no idea what quiet means. ten minutes seems like a long time when you are a fidget like me. no wiggling. no noise. ten minutes with just me and my thoughts. well let's see what happens huh?

3...2...1...start the timer...

i've been playing this game conquer online. i think i may have a disorder. i LOVE it. yes i do love it...i have no idea why. it's this really just crazy rpg game. i have a couple of characters i created and i run around killing monsters and getting money. i don't really care about what the point of the game is....i really just want to get as much money as i can. my one character is a lvl 49 healer. i have a teammate who lvled me up really quickly....i try to be nice to the newbies like he was nice to me. some ppl get on there and just kill everyone, because it's a pk game...Player Kill. which means basically that anyone can just randomly come up and kill you. i don't like that. i created a character to play with my little nephew Caleb when he plays, named Aunt Saphira. i know he likes dragons.

My best friend called me today.....told me that she wouldn't be able to make our annual trip to the Ren Fest on Mar 4th. I gotta tell ya, it really is freaking me out how much that bothers me. I'm not mad at her or anything, but for the past.....10 yrs I guess, we've been going to this thing. She's never missed it. Not once. Sure she's had to cut it short some times, but never missed it. I'm truly bugged by this. It's nothing she can do anything about, but it bugs me. I'm sad, and quite disappointed.

5 minutes left and I'm using this really pale yellow so that I don't correct anything that I may make a mistake on. I can't see what I'm typing so if there are typos...Oh well! I'm finding that I am happier and more energetic since my Dr. changed my perscritption. Upped my dose of Effexor. Yeah...head drugs....me and my loopy head. I am almost starting to feel normal again. Whatever normal is. More like myself. My 9ld self. that used to go out and have fun and not worry about panic attacks. I miss the old me. I want to get back to the point where I can do things by myself. I walkec with Lana to the appointment with my therapist. I'm gonna try and go by myself this time. Friday is my nbext appt. and I will walk over alone. It's part of the desentizition. Getting used to things that make me uncomfortable and not making such a big deal out of them. r

Fear is like this dense fog in front of you that you can't walk through, and when you try to go around it, it just keep sgetting bigger and bigger until you are paralyzed. I'm learning to walk through the fog and into the sunshine on the other side.... I am tired of being afraid of nothing. I want to liv e my life again.

1 minute and this is what's come out.

Peace Ya'll!! Check back soon!!

Desensitizing has begun....

2006-02-03T06:48:00.000-05:00

Well, my first session went VERY well. I walked to my therapists office with my puppy and didn't panic, and didn't call anyone. I was so excited. I was so proud of myself. Lori said I did really well and so did Trink. It seems so simple to me. Something I should do easily, but it's not easy for me. I have to remember that. Every step I take little or not, is a step I am taking to get better.

GO ME!!!

Peace ya'll!!!

Systematic Desensitization

2006-01-30T09:23:00.000-05:00

Yeah for therapy!! This is what my therapist and I are working on. Started back up on Satruday. Apparently I'm a control freak. Who knew that my panic disorder stemmed from me needing to be in control of my environment. So Thursday she said I should walk to my apartment with my puppy. She's only about a block away. Now, all I can think about is walking there and not being able to call Katrina. Lori...(my therapist) told me that I was NOT ALLOWED to call Katrina if I started panicking on the way there. I am to call her. So, now that's all I can think about.

How is this helping my panic? I have no idea....but it's helpful that i'm aware of what I'm feeling right??? Right....sure....

Peace ya'll!

Ever Wonder....?

2006-01-25T07:52:00.000-05:00

What your words do? Seriously......think about it....sometimes words hurt more than anything else we can do to somebody. Especially someone we love. Is it because we know them so well? And we know just what to say to make them mad, sad, hurt, confused, annoyed? Why do we lash out when we shouldn't?

I've been thinking about words today. It's amazing sometimes what happens when we say certain things. Like, "I love you." or..."I'm sorry."....or..."I'm an idiot" Words can lift you up or tear you down. I don't think we take words seriously enough. I think we abuse them and take them for granted.

It seems we have an endless supply of words....expressive and emotive..... ie.... SHIT! FUCK! DAMN! Curse words yes, but SOOO expressive.... and can be used in such a variety of ways.

Today my words are wounding and callous. Today I suffer for my lack of thoughtfulness. Words can really fuck up your program sometimes. Sometimes words aren't enough..... sometimes silence is GOLDEN.

Peace Ya'll

Friday....and where is my incentive???

2006-01-20T09:36:00.000-05:00

So, I've been playing this game online with my little brother. He's always getting me into new games....(shame on him). I haven't much been keeping track like I had intended. SHOCKER. The plan is to go shopping this weekend for "good stuff" and throw away all the bad stuff in the house. It's just one of those things.

Also, I think we're gonna try looking for a new place to live again. I hate this frickin place. It's making me nuts and probably making us sick. A whole lot to think about. I guess we'll see.

Anyway, I'm ashamed of myself for not being better at this.....but if you fall....you might as well get back up right???

Right.

Peace ya'll!

Monday Monday....la la la la la

2006-01-16T06:49:00.000-05:00

Hey Ya'll!!! Long time no talky...... Brain brain go away....
So, if you've never done it, I suggest that for just one day....you write down everything you eat. Don't try and keep track of calories at first....just get an idea of what goes in....ya know? WHooooo!!! I'm gonna try it here....... talk about CRAZY!!! This is what I had this weekend.

UGH!!...

5pieces of fried dough with cinnamon and sugar.
4cheesy garlic biscuits.
chicken, brown rice, and cheesey saucy burrito.
glass of chocolate milk and scoop of peanut butter.
3 HUGE glasses of water.
Bowl of Smart Start cereal.
2 Blueberry Eggo waffles
glass of strawberry milk.
left over chicken cheesy, brown rice burrito....
5 leftover fried dough pieces.
3 Huge glasses of water.

HOLY CRAP!!!!!

What about you guys???? Drop me a note and let me know what you eat in a day??? Or a weekend!! I'm curious what everyone eats.!

PEACE YA'LL!!

MERRY NEW YEAR!!!

2006-01-03T08:18:00.000-05:00

Lana sure had fun on Christmas morning. What a great holiday we had. It was good to spend time with our family and friends. We went to our friends Brandon and Micki'e house in WPB for Christmas Eve and Secret Santa gift exchange. What a great idea that was. Me and my secret santa had each others names. And we got each other pretty much the SAME thing! Me and My Santa Shannon! We got to meet Micki's folks who were visiting from Washington. We had heard so much about them! What a great time we had! I'm always amazed at how awesome our friends our. We have this GREAT circle of support for everything.

Then for New years....we went back up to Brandon and Micki's....and WHOOO BOY!! Things were CRAZY!!!! I drank a little..... Trink drank a little Everyone had a great time.....

We laughed and hugged and remembered our friend Stella who passed away in May. We cried, for missing her. What a tremendous blessing she was to our lives... we were all grateful to have known her.

So, this year things are gonna change....you will see a healthier Donna and a healthier Katrina....hopefully this will serve as some sort of accountability for us. It's just about that time....this is NOT a resolution...it's a life CHANGE!!

May you all have a happy, healthy, prosperous NEW YEAR! Love and appreciate the ANGELS in your life!

Peace ya'll!

Where've I Been?

2005-12-14T06:42:00.000-05:00

I've had my nose in some books....that's where i've been. Reading the Left Behind Series....I can't seem to put those books down. I've been Christmas Wrapping and looking forward to hanging out with friends and family. Creatively, I'm in a slump. My brain is swimming.

I finally gave in and signed up for Classmates, so that I could reconnect with some old friends. To my surprise I had a message waiting for me. It's really cool when poeple pass through your mind and then you're able to contact them. So its been really cool to find out how some of my old friends are doing. Surprising but, really, really cool.

I've had a bunch of ideas for my stories in my head, but I can't seem to focus and get them in order.

It's cold outside today...HAHAH....55 degrees.....perfect for me! COld for Florida....

I'm babbling.....

Peace ya'll!
F

Panic Shmanic!

Day 1....ish.

Sometimes Life is just...

Back in the saddle...

The Bain of my diet existence....

Some more of ME

Day 11....

Day 10 of the "new" life...

struggles....

Checkin In....

Day One:

Miracles

Stillwater, West Coast

My Sister The MORON....

Back from Vaca Updatey!!

R.I.P. Ashton Micheal 2001-2007

SUPER COOL FOR THE TROOPS!

I just Spent $1M!!!! WHOOO!!

Starting again...

My humps.

Celebrity Run-In's

WE GOT SPANKED!!!!!

Butt crack of dawn swimmin

U.S. Women's Team Advances!!!!

Reasons to watch the USA Women's Nat'l Team.

OMG Just for Laughs

Something to think about.....

A Day of Loss ends in Loss

FUCKIN BASTARD!!!

Sometimes Shit is just WRONG!

All I have to Be is Me!

Positive Thoughts and Self Talk. OY!

Courage at any age...

God Bless The Men and Women...

Just one more thing.

Bleepin Morons!

How annoying....????

BLATANTLY STOLEN from....

America RULES!!

Is it just me???

....Floating....Or Space and what it feels like.....

STRANGENESS....

Feelin......funky today.

BACK TO JAIL!!!!!

That's F@#!ed up!

satisfying news.....

New Beginning....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!

Learning to Forgive....

Leaking Juices.....

Totally Forgot to Post this...

American Idol Gives Back????

You know I mean?

Fighting Spirit!

Preliminary Results....

GLORIOUS MORNING!

Mornin Walkin....

Strange kids....

Ghetto Fabulous!

Pupdate.....

Puppy Paws and Tennis Courts

A flower grows in the Ghetto!

I have the Coolest BIG Brother!!

Too Good Not to Post

A Day In the Life......

Blasts from the past

Ok...WHAT THE?!?!?

Broken already.....

HELP with Snoring!!

100 things about me...,.

Well Wonders Never Cease!

I don't want to Jinx it....

Ice, Cars, and Sisters....OH MY!!

Later that day....

View from my Loo 2

Hi ya'll!!

Sunday Sunday...

Bad ME!! !

DeathTrap Update

** OH Christmas Tree **

OH Christmas Tree

Systematic Desensitization